[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
blog me with a wet noodle
so, i didn't update my blog this weekend. i was going to. and then i didn't. i think that's a theme in my life:
"i was going to. and then i didn't."
stay married for the rest of my life
go to the gym
stand up for myself
call my friend
take out the trash
run the vacuum
(okay, so pretty much any household chore can be on my list)
i hate that about myself. i hate it that i lack follow-through. if i was on dr. phil's first episode of his all-by-myself-but-not-really-since-oprah-is-producing-this-and-appears-to-have-given-me-her-set-from-last-season television show, he would chew my ass hard. and he'd be right to do so. it's one thing to have unrealized goals or unfinished tasks because you are unable to accomplish them. it's a whole other ball of wax to have unfinished bidness because you're too lazy to finish it. that's how my ass got to be this big. as much as i love clothes and stuff, you'd think that alone would have jarred me into ac-shon. but, no. still, i sloth.
i hate the idea of waking up one day to find that i lazed through my life. that there were things i could have changed, but didn't, and now there is no time. ooo...i hate regret! i try really hard to live my life so i can look back with no regret, and i generally do a pretty good job of that. so, again, you'd think the black cloud of potential regret would jar me. but, no.
speaking of jar...
i need a wake-up call about my fantasies regarding real life v. reel life. i watched notting hill last night (for the bazillionth time) and found myself all doe-eyed about dreamy hugh grant and witty repartee. although i'm over the whole julia roberts thing. plus, her character in that movie was a total bitch. anyway, she just seems to be subtle variations of the same character in every movie, and if you look at her for too long she starts to look funny, so i'm over it. not that i was ever under it. anyhoo...hugh grant is so dreamy and funny, even without a scriptwriter (see his golden globe acceptance speech from a few years back...he's damn funny all by himself). and, he's all romantic-like...okay, maybe that is a script device, what with the whole unfortunate prostitute incident. don't i have enough of that to contend with already?! dammitalltohell.
anyway, so i think part of my unhappiness stems from an unhealthy notion that real people are like movie people. i mean, i'm not delusional, but i guess i just thought that people really were witty. or made gestures. or...or other movie-type stuff. but, i think they don't so much. i mourn the loss of my illusions, and i mourn the fact that they were illusions, and i mourn the years i spent believing they weren't. blue monday, indeed.
i have thoughts today on the d and e saga, but those will have to wait until the lunch hour. i'm enjoying the leftovers of a creamy, comforting risotto today, and so i'll be close at hand to blog my thoughts.
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