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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
9.30.2002  

the one about the cop and the donut
by popular request (okay, it was one person), here is the aforementioned story about the cop and the donut.

i swear that it's all true. not even embellished a little bit. pinky-swear.

a couple of weeks ago, i ran out to get a sandwich from the great little shop across the street from my office. it was a rather gross, humid day, and i was swamped with work. i would have rather ordered in, but, by the time i had that realization i was already so hungry that my stomach had begun to eye my kidney in such a way that caused me concern.

i'm standing there waiting for my sandwich (grilled ham and lorraine swiss) and this really attractive police officer starts chatting me up. and i'm thinking: who, me? but, i'm having a very bad hair day, and there are lots of other really attractive chicks in here (look, i have self-esteem issues, this is what we do when cute guys start to chat us up)! i'm also thinking: what is up with me and the cops??!! am i like a magnet or something? (my ex-husband is a cop, for those of you just tuning in). it's all going just fine, i guess, when he says, "oh, man, look at that -- donuts!" and we both laugh and i realize he's trying to engage me in witty banter, so i say, "oh, come on, you can do better than that...that's a cliché!"

and then there's an awkward pause, and the terribly attractive officer has an odd look on his face, and he starts to turn a bit red, and he says, "oh...what, is that some kind of a french donut or something? it just looked like a regular donut to me. anyway, that's just a stereotype about cops and donuts. i was just making a joke when i said that about being excited because they have donuts."

so, i pretend that they just called my number and i grab the sandwich that has just come up (tuna with avocado and tomatoes as it turns out...so not my grilled ham and lorraine swiss) and i book it, dano. 'cause who wants to piss off a cop by laughing at him?

not i, said the duck.

cliché...french donut...explaining to me that it's a stereotype, all condescending-like. hee.
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