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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

[the ones people ask about]
Rittenhouse Review
Investment Banking Monkey
Cheap Ticket News
iPhone News
Hotels and Travel News
Latest on Retirement Planning
Consumer News and Reviews

[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]

<< current

[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


yo mama is so fat...
i've decided to take it easy on ye olde blogge today, so i'll offer this left-turn into the i-know-i-shouldn't-but-i-just-can't-help-myself world of...snaps.

that's right, ladies and gentlemen: snaps. or, as they are known to amateurs: yo mama jokes.

i'll take a cue from the pimpdaddy himself and offer this disclaimer:

snaps might offend...well, just about everyone. if you are offended by foul language, explicit sexual jokes, or just plain disrespectful jokes, please amuse yourself in the archives.

i know it's base, but, sometimes, i just can't help but laugh.

yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her as a new world.

yo mama's so fat she's got smaller fat mamas orbiting around her.

yo mama's so fat that restaurants have signs that say 'maximum occupancy 240 patrons...or yo mama.'

yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.

yo mama's so stupid, she went to the drive-in to see "closed for the season."

yo mama's so ugly, when i took her to a haunted house she came out with a job.

yo mama's so ugly, her nickname is "damn."

and, now, i open it up to the floor....
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