[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
i got your "room"...baby
so, i’m in the market for a roommate. actually, i’m in the market to be a roommate. i don't actually have a room. or a mate, for that matter. need one. or both, at some point, i guess. but, for now, we're just focusing on the room part.
so, i signed up with a couple of online roommate locator services, and filled out my profile. i was excited – okay, as excited as i’m going to get about this entire process and the undeniable implication it has in my life – to discover that i was getting bombarded with responses.
“wow,” i thought, “maybe this won’t be as impossible a task as i thought.”
so, i log in to the site and open my mailbox there. 19 unread messages! 19! surely i’ll find the room of my dreams here.
the messages all have subject lines like, “i’m interested” and “let’s talk.” it’s actually kind of weird how similar the subject lines are. i try and open the first message, and am greeted by a pop-up window telling me that to read my messages (one of which surely contains the room of my dreams!) i have to join the site.
“but i thought i did that already,” i say to the pop-up window.
“well, you signed up,” the pop-up window responded, “but you didn’t join. and joining only costs….”
i tuned out the pop-up window at that point. “cost” implies money, i'm pretty sure, and i cannot afford to be throwing any money around willy-nilly right now. plus, i didn’t really care for his tone.
"so, you have to pay to actually read the messages? well, that is trés helpful! thanks so much for this valuable service!"
but, the pop-up wasn’t listening to me anymore. arrogant bastard.
then, i notice that i can view the profiles of the message senders without having to pay. well, that’ll work! that should tell me at least enough to know if i want to follow up with them. i can get location, a very limited description of the place and, most of the profiles include a photo, so i could get a feel for whether or not the place is what i have in mind. great. hey…wait a minute…this is a photo of the...roommate? yes, i click on the first profile, and there’s a profile of the room, and a photo of the roommate. that seems odd to me. i was expecting a photo of the room. or the house. huh. and it's kind of a glamour shot or something, too. interesting. but, manassass? no way.
okay. huh. another picture of the potential roommate. he looks a little creepy, actually. probably has his last roommate stuffed in a trunk in the attic. pass.
yet another picture of the potential roommate. and, wait for it: it's another thirty-something guy! sending me a message with a subject line that says “i’m interested.”
have i stumbled onto pimp.com? is there something going on that i just didn’t get? i mean, i’d expect 19 messages from guys sending me their profiles with their pictures in it, with subject lines like “let’s chat” if i was on nerve.com. or match.com (and, let’s be honest: i probably soon will be. *sigh*). but, this is supposed to be a roommate service, for god’s sake. 19 messages and not one woman? what the hell?
is this what it’s come to? is every site on the internet that involves human interaction now seen as some sort of variation on a hook-up chat room? are there guys out there blogging simply as a thinly veiled way to meet women? do e-bay bidders chat up the sellers? do people email other folks and say, “i read your user review on amazon, and i think we have a lot in common”?!
i feel so dirty. i swear i’m just looking for a room. not a “room.” a room. period. no quotes.
but, what the hell. i paid my membership fee this morning and wrote back to three of the guys. hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
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