[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
ode to my site counter thingies©
i enjoy my site counter thingies©. they’re kind of cool, in a voyeuristic/narcissistic kind of way. it’s interesting to see “who” has visited your site, where they’re from, how long they did – or didn’t – stay to read your ramblings.
i don’t do a lot of super-sleuthing using the info from my site counter thingies©, i just find them really interesting [yes, i should get out more.]. plus, on those days when the comments are scarce, they offer just a bit of reassurance…they say, "yes, needy girl, someone read your blog. gah."
but my favorite part of my site counter thingies© is that i’ve found a lot of terrific blogs by clicking on referral links – most recently stutarded and figmental. both of which kick copious quantities of ass.
so, today, let’s talk a little bit about site counter thingies©. actually, let's just talk about my site counter thingies©. hey, it’s my blog, after all.
first off, i’d like to give a big shout-out to my huge fan base in antarctica. i mean, i get the occasional hits from france and china. and i seem to be gaining momentum in australia. but i have always felt that antarctica is really the epitome of the “if i can make it there, i’ll make it anywhere” sentiment. and, so, i guess i’ve made it. and can retire now. except this blogging thing doesn’t actually pay. anyway, it's probably just a horde of rabid penguins who have taken over a research base and are just randomly hitting keys on the keyboards...or maybe the penguins thought this was some sort of bird porn site. anyway, shout-out to antarctica...holla back. [ed. note: can penguins holla?]
in addition to finding out that people you'll never meet visit your site in the middle of the night, you also find out how they found you. maybe they linked from someone else. maybe they used a search engine, although i don’t get so much traffic from search engines. and, the traffic i do get from them seems to be a bit…misguided. so, since i’m nothing if not co-dependent, i always feel a twinge of guilt when i see that someone has been directed to my blog and i damn sure know they’re not finding what they’re looking for.
i shall now attempt to right these wrongs.
your search: “i love sue thomas fbeye”
what led to your disappointment: well, if you love sue thomas fbeye, maybe your life is filled with disappointments. but it's probably not filled with quality programming. anyway, you're here because of this particular entry. and, given the sentiments contained therein, you must have been very very disappointed. maybe even offended. my apologies. sort of. i mean, come on…pax sucks.
where you really wanted to go: anyway, here you go.
your search: “stoned chick”
what led to your disappointment: while the words “stoned” and “chick” do, in fact, appear in this blog, they do not appear together. yet.
where you probably wanted to go: you and everyone else on the planet seem to be very interested in ellen fleiss. given all the hoopla, i feel pretty confident that's the stoned chick you were looking for. [ed. note: you gotta love the "ellen just wanted to smoke up" and "mad weed" ones.]
your search: “hermaphrodite boy in the everwood tv show"
what led to your disappointment: well, hermaphrodite got you this. and everwood got you this. but, i gotta tell ya: dude, if there’s a hermaphrodite on that freakin’ show, i'm totally going to start watching it!
where you probably wanted to go: i'm hoping it was here. and not some other place. ew.
your search: “dumbass ben affleck”
what led to your disappointment: in a word (or two): push, nevada. don’t worry, it led to my disappointment, too. there are several posts here extolling the dumbassness of the sexiest man alive…even though his fiancee says he’s “brilliantly smart.” to which i say: match. made. in. heaven.
where you probably wanted to go: well, you could try this. or you could just go back to your own damn website.
your searches: boy, did i hit the motherload with harley earl. searches ranged from “stupid harley earl” to “who the hell is harley earl.” both of which i think speak directly to the success of buick’s brilliant marketing campaign. i'm sure that's exactly what they were going for: "stupid harley earl."
what led to your disappointment: my own pondering of the question "who the hell is harley earl?" [yeah, that archive is all jacked up...no idea what's going on with that.]
where you probably wanted to go: the buick website. but only go if you plan to send them an email telling them how asinine that damn campaign is.
your searches: any number of searches looking for nigella lawson’s body parts. cleavage. ass. some of you were willing to settle for just “nigella naked.”
what led to your disappointment: just that one little mention in the sidebar over there. close to the top…see it? man, you were disappointed. interesting note: i never get hits from people searching for eddie izzard's naked parts.
where you probably wanted to go: well, i looked high and low out of loyalty to you, dear readers, but, alas -- there don't seem to be any pictures of nigella lawson's naked body parts anywhere on the web. or eddie izzard's. did find the naked chef, though.
your search: “dead butt jerry”
what led to your disappointment: um, honestly, i have no idea how the hell you got here.
where you probably wanted to go: i shudder to think.
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