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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
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[100 things about me]




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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
12.11.2002  

oh president! my president!
as i was slathering my face with beta hydroxys last night [exfoliation is a very important part of a complete skin care regimen. that’s regimen. not “skin care regime.” regimes are what they have in third-world countries. sorry...it's a pet peeve.], my heart skipped a beat. there, on my television, was al gore.

i love al gore.

love.

love.

love.

al.

gore.

i was never a cheerleader. never even a twirler. i was a student body officer. a member of the key club. captain of the knowledge bowl team.

al gore is my patron saint.

sure, some may talk about him being “stiff” [and i’m not referring to the infamous rolling stone cover…get your minds out of the gutter, people.]. or “boring.”

to which my still-bearing-the-wounds-of-high-school self says: “are we voting for homecoming king, or student body president?”

al gore is the epitome of the pencil-necked geek. he can talk – at length – about “boring” things like global warming. and, often does so, despite the, i'm sure, vehement protestations of his staff. he can actually write his own speeches. and they contain polysyllabic words!

i know gore is far from perfect. believe me. but, somehow, i just didn't get the knock on him that he was "too smart." or "too intellectual." when did our country turn into my junior high school that one day when all the football players dumped milkshakes on the heads of the guys in the rocket club? i mean, isn’t "smart" what you want in your president? if the leader of the free world sits down at a table with the leaders of kiribati, burkina faso and djibouti…wouldn’t it be nice to think that he’s the smartest guy in the room? or, at the very least, that he is able to locate them on a map? no offense to anyone from kiribati, burkina faso or djibouti, of course.

shouldn’t the president of the united states be a total dweeb? the guy who could kick everyone else’s ass at jeopardy? the guy who took his best friend’s little sister to the prom because he was too busy in the basement with his leopold ruzicka™ junior chemist set to even notice girls? the guy who enjoys tossing the occasional latin phrase into every day conversation?

i think that the president should be a freaking genius. that way, when some bad-hair-having-jackass [paging trent lott] says, “the president’s economic plan will not work,” we can dispense with the partisan bullshit. no more mud-slinging…let’s just have an open debate of the facts. put up or shut up.

it would be a nationally televised, weekly event. every friday night, concerned citizens could tune in to see the president and the naysayer-of-the-week square off. how much ass would that kick? you know my boy al would show up with four-color graphs, a powerpoint slide presentation, and visio charts. along with printed copies of his source list. the debate is scored, the winner’s position stands, and the loser has to shut up.

of course, it would probably lose in the nielsens to fear factor and get cancelled after a month.

but, i dare to dream.
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