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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
[the ones people ask about]
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[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]




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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
12.18.2002  

save the oral spray
thank god for hotmail. before i got a hotmail account, i was sleepwalking through life. i mean, if i didn’t have hotmail, would i ever come face to face with the burning issues – the hard questions – the real existentialist stuff?

without hotmail, would i ever give any thought to how i really feel about seducing women? would i ever dig deep and ask myself if i “want to get any woman into bed -- guaranteed?!”

well, do i?

the queries range from the ridiculous:

“guess who angelina jolie had sex with?”
[well, that one is easy: not me. factually correct. cannot be disputed.]

“want free porn?”
[another slow pitch: duh. who doesn’t want free porn?! now that is a think piece.]

to the sublime:

“what color is your mood?”
[puce? vermillion? is blue too obvious? is yellow too too? ]

“where is your site?”
[can you repeat the question? oh. well...could you use the question in a sentence?]

just this morning, i logged into my hotmail account whilst sipping my green tea, simply content to be, not challenging myself, not seeing the forest because of all the trees. well, i was also probably not seeing the trees because i didn't have my glasses on. but, anyway, thanks to hotmail, i was jolted out of my complacence by the age-old question that has weighed heavily on the minds of generations before me:

are HGH pills and oral spray obsolete?”

good god, how could i have never given this any thought? how could i be so unaware? how could i have been so ignorant -- callous even -- to the plight of oral spray?! what exactly am i wasting my time thinking about when there are such serious matters looming large in society? oral spray? obsolete? say it isn't so! surely there must be some grassroots campaign i can volunteer with; some sort of non-profit organization. oral spray obsolete?! ah, the humanity of it all.

so, thank you, hotmail. thank you for the wake up call. after all, as the god nike once said: life is not a spectator sport. so, if you’ll excuse me…i need to go and ponder the whole oral spray issue. maybe even write a letter to my congressman. which is actually harder than you might think, because every time i even think "oral spray" i just start to laugh uncontrollably.

man...being socially aware is h-a-r-d.
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