[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
the age-old question: gloves or mittens?
so, i was having blogger’s block again this morning. you know, it comes...it goes. i tried my old stand-by trick: if-i-write-my-post-then-i-will-reward-myself-with-[insert reward-type-item-usually-food-related here]. no luck.
[ed. note: for a painfully honest look at writing and the whole writer’s block thing, check out adaptation. but, before you go, be sure to read the second in my series of decorative-yet-functional-movie reviews: adaptation. a lot of people will not get it. some people will get it, and think it’s smug and impressed with itself, and hate it. some people will get it and think it’s smug and brilliant, and love it. because i don’t really know you, i’m not sure which group you’ll fall into. since it’s a crap shoot, make it a matinee, or get someone else to pay for your ticket. if you’re in the “like it” group, you’ll think it’s whipsmart and want to discuss it ad nauseam. if you’re in the “hate it” group, it will be the longest hour and 54 minutes of your life --- but,the good news is that you'll probably know pretty early on that you're hating it, so you can sneak out and go see the two towers again. or maybe chicago. but, remember, chicago is a musical, so don't sneak into that one if you don't like musicals. anyway, good luck.]
i had a couple of ideas i bounced around, but nothing was really turning the old crank this morning. so, i decided to punt and look for outside inspiration. i ran a couple of google searches. nada. visited a couple of my favorite reads only to pull my hair out when i discovered that the one thing i had been prepared to write about had been written about on two of my frequently read blogs within the past couple of weeks. dammitalltohell.
in what can only be called an act of desperation, i decided to google “blog topics.” and, bingo, there it was: the topics blog.
seemed like just the ticket. a list of ideas to help the blocked blogger put up a great post.
here are just a few of the suggestions on the list:
1. mittens or gloves: which do you prefer? why? if you prefer neither, then why?
2. imagine that you are a fly on the wall of an important event. describe what you see and hear and feel.
3. write a post that is an open letter to someone who will probably never read it.
okay, let’s see….
1. no fucking way.
2. you’ve got to be kidding me.
3. now this one might have potential.
dear guy-who-made-these-suggestions, jr.*:
how is your dad, guy-who-made-these-suggestions, sr.? and your mom, mrs. guy-who-made-these-suggestions? which do you prefer, mittens or gloves? why? if you don’t have a preference, then why not?
have you ever been a fly on the wall at an important event? me neither. but, wouldn’t it be fun if you imagined that you were, and then you wrote a blog post about what you might have seen or felt? man, that would be awesome! i bet lots of people would read it, and they would all think that it was a very interesting piece. you would probably get lots of comments, too! i bet some would say, “wow. that was really creative.” others might say, “man, that was cutting edge.” and, still others might say, “i wonder if guy-who-made-these-suggestions, jr. prefers gloves or mittens. I wish he had written about that instead of this stupid pretend-to-be-a-fly-on-the-wall bullshit.”
hey, guy-who-made-these-suggestions, jr., you can’t please all of the people all of the time. am I right?
very truly yours,
oh, forget it. that would suck.
*not his real name. but you probably guessed that already. how sad is that? i couldn't even get past my block to come up with a creative pseudonym.
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