[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
surprise, surprise, surprise!
last night, the planets aligned and i had a chance to “real life” meet an “internet friend.” last night, i had dinner with j from the safeword. the safeword is a site run by j and his girlfriend kerry, and it is one of my very favorite reads. and, i should also mention that kerry was the very first person to email me about my blog. ever.
i have to admit, i’ve never real-life-met an internet friend before, and i was a little nervous. i mean, when you meet someone that you’ve “talked” to, do you hug them like you would a “normal” friend? what do you say? i had no idea what to expect.
it turned out to be an evening filled with surprises. such as:
- in suburban maryland, who would guess that a table for two would take 40 minutes on a monday night? it’s the day after the super bowl, people. don’t you have leftover bean dip and chili at home?
- who knew that when they buzz you that your table is ready, they don’t mean “ready” in the sense that you can now be seated. no, they mean “ready” in the sense that “you can stand over here and wait instead of over there and wait.” good to know.
- surprise! your waitress is psychotic! not only will she rant and rave about the “goddamn bakery” being slow, she’ll also tell you about her “fat and lazy” boyfriend. and how she likes to stockpile her sick days for when her kid is sick, so even though she doesn’t feel well, she’s still here to work a closing shift with an expanded section that keeps getting quadruple-seated and now her hair is all messed up and falling down in her eyes and “the goddamn bakery” is killing her table times. right…so, um…how is the chicken marsala?
- it’s surprising how you can have a menu with about 15 pages of stuff…but you can’t find anything that you really want to eat.
and, perhaps the biggest surprise of the evening:
for a while now, i’ve known that i look younger than i am, but it turns out that i write younger than i am, too. in retrospect, it might be my consistent use of “dude” and “fuck” that skew the perception.
j seemed truly shocked.
“i had no idea you were so old!”
“i mean, i’ve read all your stuff, and i thought, ‘wow, this girl has lived a lot of life,’ but i just thought, you know, that you had gotten married really young.”
poor j never saw it coming -- my age isn’t anywhere on this site. but i never realized that until last night. there’s no ulterior motive for not mentioning my age. age just isn’t something i usually think about. i graduated two years early – got bumped up two years in school. so, i was always younger than everyone else. but, i acted older than everyone else. so, age was a very nebulous thing for me growing up. then, as i got older, it just became irrelevant to me. i never really think about it. when people ask me, “how old are you?” i have to stop and think. and do math. it’s all a little embarrassing.
a couple of years ago, when i was 31, i spent the entire year telling everyone i was 32. it was an honest mistake. when my birthday came around that year, my mom wished me a happy 32nd birthday.
“what the hell are you talking about? you’re not 33, you’re 32.”
“oh. well, whaddya know.”
despite the age difference, j and i had a great time laughing and talking [at least i think we did. i’ll be crushed if i read otherwise later, j, so consider yourself warned.]. we talked about stuff like:
- eyebrow management: waxing v. threading
- how to maintain your cool when you walk in to teach a class and one of your students has some sort of monocle-periscope-headgear device
- all things blog-related, like, people who ask for money on their sites, people whose blogs seem to be really popular, but we don't really enjoy that much [no…i will not tell you, so don’t even ask], and the age-old question: how much sex-related content can you include on your site before you start to lose readership?
but, mostly we talked about two things:
j’s girlfriend, kerry
j talked about taking care of kerry when she got tanked a couple of nights ago. he talked about how they just hang out and do nothing together – and how cool that is. he talked about what a gifted and talented designer she is, and that he wishes she saw that as clearly as he does.
he even talked about kerry’s eyebrows.
as i sat across the table from j while he talked about kerry, i couldn’t help but smile. see, when j goes on a riff about body piercings, or his wangtastic burberry pants, he’s a very funny guy. and cute, too. [i think it’s important to mention that, because i have the feeling he’d give me grief if i didn’t.]
but, when j talks about kerry, he’s not just a funny guy...he’s different.
whether he knows it or not, his eyes sparkle just a little bit more. his smile is just a little bit bigger. and, as much as i had a great time with j, and as much as i’d really love to meet kerry…listening to him talk, i realized that i’d really love to meet kerry and j.
so, when all was said and done, when the leftovers were bagged up, when the psychotic waitress had finished her rant and gone to get the check [but not before j had her guess how old i was – she said “no more than 28.” and i believe that was an honest guess, and not an effort to protect her tip.], when i had dropped j off at his hotel and it was just me and my ben watt remix heading home for the night…i realized a few things:
- meeting internet friends is a weird, but wonderful, thing.
- i’m 33…but it doesn't mean a damn thing to me.
- there’s something wonderful about the way a man looks when he talks about the woman he loves.
i like to believe that some day, a guy will sit across the table from someone in some restaurant somewhere and he’ll look like that while he’s talking about me.
because you’re never too old to dream.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]