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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

[the ones people ask about]
Rittenhouse Review
Investment Banking Monkey
Cheap Ticket News
iPhone News
Hotels and Travel News
Latest on Retirement Planning
Consumer News and Reviews

[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]

<< current

[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


in keeping with the spirit of my tagline, i now present: random stuff i think about
remember when tony blair first came along and everyone was like, “oh, he’s kind of a hottie for a world leader”? [keep in mind he came on the heels of john major who made abe vigoda look sexy.] anyway, i saw tony on tv with his newly attached siamese twin [scroll down for it...it's worth it...in a creepy way], our fearless president, and i thought, “damn…tony blair is starting to look really british.”

and not “british” in a jude-law-is-a-golden-god way. or even “british” in a hugh-grant-is-so-fucking-charming-since-he-cut-off-that-silly-floppy-hair-that-you-can-almost-forget-about-the-hooker kind of way.

no. just “british.” in a not-so-good way.



it would seem that the world can be divided into two kinds of people: those who think cadbury eggs are a gift from god, and those who find them revolting. as far as i’m concerned, whoever had the idea to make cadbury egg season extend well outside the confines of lent kicks copious quantities of ass. i love the cadbury eggs. however, it would seem that the world of cadbury eggs can be divided into two kinds of eggs: the kind that are all runny inside and actually look like a real egg, and those whose goo had solidified into a sort of creamy crystallized sugar. the second category is like a little chocolate geode -–you crack it open and there are these little sugar formations inside. i hate that. so, it was quite a disappointment when i had my first egg of the season a few nights ago and it was one of those eggs.

i ate it anyway, though.


have you ever noticed that whenever any part of the federal government has a news conference or anything like that, they have a really cool sign for their part of the government that hangs behind them? they all match. they’re all these blue ovals with the name of the department and a picture of their building. and the lettering and the little building thing look like they’re actually a little raised off the background. you know what i’m talking about. the white house has one. that wacky don rumsfeld has one [ed. note: man, is this picture begging for a caption or what?] colin powell even has the whole world on his.

i was thinking i'd like to get one of these signs.

i wonder who makes those. ‘cause you know they’re not just running down to signs plus or some place like that and getting those made.

i bet there’s a whole super-secret-sign-making department of the government. and they have an underground workshop. maybe with elves or something.

and you just know the sign for their department is the most kick-ass of all. it’s just sad because no one ever gets to see it.


how come vampires in movies make that strange sort of hissing-with-your-mouth-open sound right before they bite someone? you know the sound i’m talking about. it’s the sound you make if you…well, if you tried to hiss with your mouth open, i guess. or, like a heavy breathing out of your mouth with your mouth wide open. you know the sound.

anyway, i would think that movie vampires would want to stick with the more traditional “bluh bluh” sound. that way everyone knows you’re a vampire and not just some guy with something caught in his throat. seems like it would have more impact to just say “bluh bluh.” i mean, really. everyone knows “bluh bluh.” am i right?


laugh all you want to, but every time one of those nissan commercials with gary numan’s cars comes on, i can’t help but do a little dance on my couch. every. single. time.

go ahead. mock me.
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