[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
operation shitcan is underway
i’ve been thinking about how much i need a new job.
i need a new job.
my current job sucketh much, in oh-so many ways i cannot even begin to list them here. and, also i cannot begin to list them here because, sometimes, people think it’s cool to do that and then their boss finds their website and then they get shitcanned.
so, there’s that.
let me just say that it's a coin toss between the mind-boggling incompetence of my "manager" and the utter lack of common courtesy in my workplace. really...too close to call.
but, as i look through the job postings on the various boards -- monster.com, hotjobs.com, youngsexxyhottjobs.com [that one didn’t really have many postings, although i spent about four hours looking], i’m realizing that when the president says things like “the economy is getting better,” he’s lying. at least in terms of jobs. and gas prices. and other economic stuff.
so, since i haven’t seen any jobs that appeal to me and/or pay what i currently make [no, i’m not rolling in cash over here, but i would like to be able to pay rent and buy food in the same month. i’m old-fashioned like that.], i’ve been thinking that a plan might be in order.
i’ve been trying to think of ways to get fired so i can collect unemployment. but, not anything horrifying that would haunt me in trying to find a new job. just little things.
- every time someone calls my desk, answer “whassup, beeyotch?”
- post a new “policy” in the employee lunch room stating that i should now be referred to as “the almighty.”
- move into one of the nice, cushy already-occupied corner offices and, when asked what the hell i think i’m doing just say, “i’m worth it.”
- when asked to attend important meetings, respond with “dude, the last four meetings you made me attend were boring and accomplished nothing. i’m gonna have to take a pass on this one. thanks for thinking of me, though.”
i’m thinking of launching operation shitcan in may so i’ll be free to enjoy the summer. so, i’m pretty much open to suggestions until april, at which time i will need to finalize my plan and address logistics.
but, you know, until then, feel free.
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