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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
3.27.2003  

motherfucking newsflash: war is horrible. shit is blown up. people are killed.
i've been trying to take it easy this evening. watching television. trying to let my brain turn to mush and run out my ears.

i'm not sure if you've heard: there's a war.

it involves a great deal of shooting. and bombing. and sand. and general destruction of buildings and shit.

this is, apparently, news.

i can tell it's news because it's the only thing on every motherfucking channel. plus, it has logos and theme music. definitely news.

as tom brokaw pointed out this evening: "it's now been one week and one day." and guess what? thanks to your non-stop-in-your-face-don't-even-think-about-trying-to-think-about-something-else coverage, i'm already sick and tired of it.

i'm sick and tired of watching soundbite after soundbite of rumsfeld's "disgust" at the iraqis parading u.s. pows on television. let me just say, with all the respect my already-weary-self can muster: mr. rumsfeld, about 12 whole hours before your declaration of "disgust," i was having my own display of disgust right here on my couch. and what, may you ask, brought on my disgust? why it was television coverage of iraqi pows captured by americans! yes, that's exactly what it was. dozens of iraqi pows, sleeping on the sand while a fucking "news" camera got right up in their face and some "reporter" prattled on about "see how humanely we're treating these iraqi pows? look right here on the ground: we gave them food to eat!" it was appalling. but not nearly as appalling as seeing rumsfeld get all indignant about how unacceptable it was for the iraqis to "humiliate" american pows by putting them on television. i note that, after your grandstanding, mr. rumsfeld, the coverage of the iraqi pows summarily stopped. coincidence, i'm sure.

seriously. i'm trying very hard over here, you jackasses, but you're making it really really hard not to be supremely pissed at you.

and, don't even get me started on the amazing "coincidence" that a subsidiary of halliburton [that's vice president cheney's former employer for those of you just tuning in] has already been awarded the contracts to perform the repair work on the damaged iraqi oil wells. you know, you guys might want to put a smidge of effort into making it a little tougher for people to paint this as a war about oil and corporate interests. just a smidge. that's not too much to ask, is it? i mean, i'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but, again, you're making it really really hard.

for the record: i have unflinching unfailing and unswerving support for our troops. i swear. no, i'm not really clear on what our "goal" is, and, no, i'm not particularly in favor of the war itself. i have mixed feelings, quite honestly. but, that's neither here nor there.

i'm sorry, but i just don't feel we need fucking play-by-play coverage like it's the goddamn afc playoffs. i swear to god, somebody even had one of those john-madden-magic-pen things drawing circles around little tank icons. it's a war. not a game. cut that shit out.

shit is going to blow up every goddamn motherfucking day we're over there. unfortunately, innocent people on all sides of this are going to die every goddamn motherfucking day we're over there. maybe it's just me, but i find it ghoulish that when i get out of bed and turn on the television, the first sound i hear is today's "scoreboard" of how many more lives were lost while i slept.

this could go on for months.

and months.

so, please. i'm begging you. stop this right now.

i certainly am not advocating an information blackout, although i'm already weary of the barely opaque propagandist spins -- from both sides. and i'm not trying to bury my head in the sand. but this non-stop-24-7-coverage-of-every-single-minute-detail is just out of hand.

shock and awe? yeah, i'm shocked and awed, all right. shocked and awed that these talking heads actually seem startled that shit is getting blown up. that people are getting shot. and killed. it's a goddamn motherfucking war. what the fuck did you people think was going to happen?!

i'm equally shocked by their apparent disbelief that there are iraqis chanting anti-american sentiments. that iraqis are "playing dirty" and using ploys like disguises adn trickery to attack coalition troops.

i'm pretty sure that we invaded their country. again, just set aside whether you think we're right or wrong, because it is, ironically, a bit irrelevant to this point. bottom line is that they live there and we invaded their country with our own agenda. if some other country invaded the united states -- even if it was because they honestly believed we were suffering under tyrannical rule -- we'd damn skippy be out in the streets, right? right. and we would think we were doing the right thing and being patriotic. beauty is not the only thing in the eye of the beholder.

as for the dirty tricks...what, was i the only person who read anything at all about fucking vietnam? bombs were carried by kids, women...hell, even cute dogs. it was a grass roots war. they used everything they had at their disposal. this is nothing new. what the hell did you expect?

it's a goddamn motherfucking war, people.

pull your head out of your collective asses.

it's not news when there is sand in the middle of the motherfucking desert.

motherfuckers.
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