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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
[the ones people ask about]
Rittenhouse Review
Investment Banking Monkey
OOPS
Cheap Ticket News
iPhone News
Hotels and Travel News
Latest on Retirement Planning
Consumer News and Reviews
 

[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]




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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
4.16.2003  

if only schwab's was an internet cafe
consider this an open letter. to you. yeah, you. you know who you are.

random house.

simon & schuster.

the washington post, even.

i see you, you know. i see you come and read my stuff. of course, you usually only come on days when i've posted utter shite which makes me beat my head against my desk repeatedly chanting, "no, no, no...not today! come back tomorrow! read my archives!" aaahhhh...thud.

so, um, random house and simon & schuster and even you, washington post, i thought i'd reach out. make the first move. let's stop this coy business and cut to the chase: any time you're thinking, "man, it's too bad she already has a crap-ass unfulfilling job because i'd like to pay her alot of money to write something," stop thinking that. i mean, i'm sure you're trying to be considerate and all, thinking i probably love my crap-ass unfulfilling job, but, seriously, i would give it all up to come and work for you. and write stuff. or read stuff. or...stuff.

and i'm not alone!

my blog pals witt and wisdom and kazoofus have seen you, too. and, i don't think i'm speaking out of turn when i assure you that, they too would give up their crap-ass unfulfilling jobs if you would pay them to write stuff! there's a whole bunch of us, just waiting for you to make the first move. a whole internet full of blogging lana turners, just sitting at the schwab's soda counter, waiting for you to stumble in and "discover" us!

oh, i know, i know. you get dozens of would-be writers who send you their work every day. they're working hard, they're trying to make something happen, and, here i am, doing pretty much nothing in the way of actually pursuing a writing career. but, come on -- isn't the whole "i was just sitting there blogging when she 'discovered' me" thing much more magical? plus, in addition to being magical, it's much less work for me, so i'm all for the whole magical discovery approach.

anyway, this could be a real win-win. i don't know of a single blogger who's been "discovered" yet! so...this is a great opportunity for you, random house, simon & schuster and washington post! you could be the very first on your block to "discover" a blogger! pluck one of us from obscurity! make us a household name! you'd get great publicity, plus you would have the satisfaction of knowing you made some blogger's dream come true. and, perhaps more importantly, you'd make an assload of money. i mean, the other 999,999 bloggers out there would definitely buy a copy of the book so they could read it and say, "that was total ass! if that loser got discovered, then i'll definitely get discovered!" plus, you could crank out some how-to guide, like, "how to write a blog and get discovered" which would also make money.

seriously.

this is big. huge, even.

i'm just sayin'. you might want to think about it.
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