[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
a little bathroom humor
so, what ever happened to lotion?
i'm talking about plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.
last night i noticed that the summer heat has made my legs a little dry. and nobody wants to smooch a dry flaky girl. so, i thought i'd take a moment and moisturize.
now, for the record: i am a product junkie. i have bottles and jars and tubes strung out across my bathroom for as far as the eye can see. although, come on...it's not a big bathroom. the eye can see pretty much the whole thing.
there are bottles stashed in plastic bins under the sink.
there are tubes stacked on top of one another in the medicine cabinet.
i even had to buy a little cabinet to put in my bathroom specifically to hold all the products that won't fit in the drawers and plastic boxes. it's my product annex.
but, last night, as i started going through my extensive product library, i was stunned to find a total absence of plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.
i found lotion to make my thighs firmer.
i found lotion to make the hair on my legs grow back slower, so i don't have to shave as often [thank god. seriously.].
i found lotion to help fight that dreaded summertime curse: bacne.
i found lotion with gold shimmer. lotion with bronze shimmer. lotion with alpha hydroxys. lotion with beta hydroxys. lotion that opens canned goods and balances your checkbook.
but no plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.
i really don't think i can adequately express to you how distressing i found this situation. when did moisturizing become a multi-billion dollar industry? anyway, i slathered some baby oil on my legs and went to bed. so, crisis resolved.
you know you need a vacation when you're brushing your teeth with your electric toothbrush and the battery dies and you spend 15 minutes rummaging through your product-packed bathroom desperately looking for another toothbrush instead of just using your electric one like a regular one.
honestly, the thought just didn't even cross my mind.
and now for something completely different, and totally not bathroom-related...since i don't do the friday five, here's my own little friday diversion. as you may know from reading my 100 things list, i watch inside the actors studio. and so, i will now entertain you with my own answers to the infamous 10 questions that lipton asks each guest. as you know, the questions are adapted from a questionnaire created by some frenchie-french talk show guy named bernard pivot. whatever. anyway, feel free to leave your own answers in the comments. or not.
[note: it might make this seem cooler if you actually imagine lipton asking me the questions. or not. i said might.]
q. what is your favorite word?
q. what is your least favorite word?
q. what turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
q. what turns you off?
q. what is your favorite curse word?
q. what sound or noise do you love?
q. what sound or noise do you hate?
a. children screaming
q. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
q. what profession would you not like to attempt?
q. if heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
a. finally. okay...you'll be bunking with grant, hepburn, stewart...and clooney.
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