[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
snippets from a rainy weekend at the shore. just almost as good as being there. trust me.
fugazi-head: so, you ended up putting boys of summer on the cd.
me: yeah, it was suggested by an overwhelming majority of readers, so i thought it should definitely be included.
fugazi-head: i never understood that whole thing about the dead head stuck on a cadillac.
me: what part don't you understand?
fugazi-head: well, i mean...how's it stuck on there?
me: well, it's a sticker.
me: it's a sticker. you know, a dead head sticker.
fugazi-head: he doesn't say that.
me: he totally says that.
fugazi-head: no, he doesn't.
me: uh-huh...see...listen...it's coming up....right here....
out on the road today
i saw a dead head sticker on a cadillac
[sound of winshield wipers]
fugazi-head: huh. well, that makes a lot more sense to me now.
me: i would think so.
[sound of windshield wipers]
me: so, you thought it was an actual head on a car?
fugazi-head: yeah, you know, like that dead cow head that boss hogg had on his cadillac.
d1: dude, if you're ever dancing, and you can't find the beat, just look at jules...she is always on the beat. it's unbelievable.
d2: good to know.
d1: just look at her shoulders, though. don't look at her hips. whatever you do, don't look at her hips. i don't think you could handle it.
d2: probably not.
me: my hips will totally burn your retinas out.
d2: again, good to know.
me: what do you mean i'm not bionic?! of course i'm bionic. listen to this:
[kicks leg really rather suprisingly high into the air whilst making "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" bionic-type sound]
me: see?! i'm totally bionic.
d2: and maybe a little drunk?
j: my god, they have a five egg omelet on the menu! that's huge!
d2: yeah, that's like two eggs more than the regular three-egg omelet.
me: well, thank god we have three accountants at the table or we would have been here for days trying to cipher that one out.
k: hey, you guys, how would you pronounce this: p-o-q-u-e.
me: j and i think it's pronounced "poke." we also think it's not a real word.
k: well, i think it's a name. it says, "the dining room is run by poque and his wife."
j: oh...yeah, it's an indian name.
k: oh, really?
j: yeah, you know...like poque-a-hontas.
me: so, d, get ready...we have to sing the chorus.
d2: when the hell is the chorus? is this the chorus?
me: dude, who doesn't know the chorus to tiny dancer? are you mocking my music?
d2: well, it is a little girlie. i mean, it's pretty good, but it's just a little girlie.
me: fair enough. can you give me an example of something i could have included that would have made it less girlie?
d2: maybe some ac/dc. or some black sabbath.
me: i think you've, perhaps, missed the whole spirit of this particular mix. but, you know...i'll keep those suggestions in mind, 'cause nothing says singalong like black sabbath.
d2: hey! are you being smart?
me: hey now, don't take that tone with me!
d2: oh yeah, whaddyagonnadoaboutit?
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