[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
am i blue?
i'm sure you've noticed. i've been...distant. absent. not myself.
it's just that i have a lot of stuff going on. not much of it good, really.
oh, i know...buck up, chin up, hang in there.
and i appreciate it, i really do.
and it's not like i think i'm the only person in the world who's having problems. not like i'm totally consumed with a whole woe-is-me vibe.
but, i'd be lying if i said it's not having an effect. not impacting me.
and i don't just mean the writer's block. or the lack of energy to push through the writer's block. or the lack of energy to get up off the couch and pack something -- anything into a box because i have to be out of this apartment in, oh, about two weeks. because that's when someone else is moving in. and i don't know them. therefore, they are probably not open to the idea of me just staying here. even if i promise to be really really quiet.
and i don't just mean sitting around crying instead of going out and looking at other apartments when i damn well know i have to move out of this one.
and i don't just mean calling in sick because i just looked at my credit report and, apparently, an ex-boyfriend i treated really badly must be running the show over at equifax, because after i found out that a bunch of totally-not-my-stuff stuff was on my credit report and asked them to investigate it post haste...they did and it somehow, magically actually dropped my credit score. and, while i should be on the phone raising fourteen kinds of hell, somehow i only have the energy to stare at the unbelievably low number and nod, mumbling, "of course," and "dang. even i wouldn't rent me an apartment based on that." then climbing back into bed. which, of course, is going to resolve everything.
how can i get an apartment with this credit score? i can't. and who can i talk to about this credit score that will actually address the issue instead of just saying, "yeah, we'll investigate it" and then, somehow, managing to make this worse? i mean, come on, guys...i know it's not a bunch of rocket scientists over there at equifax, but you had me listed as delinquent on a mortgage i paid off over seven years ago. and, after checking into it, you now show me as only 60 days past due instead of the previously noted 120. this, of course, is not only factually inaccurate, but, basically, adding insult to injury. after all, this is the mortgage on my house...you know...the one that burned down. how can i be delinquent on a mortgage on a burned down house?! and, perhaps more importantly, why should i not want to kill you, equifax? hmm?
and, if i can't get an apartment, then what's the point of packing, really? i mean, why not just lie around on the couch instead? hey, look -- bull durham is on! what's that? oh, it's a beatiful day outside, is it? come again? you mean if i'm going to be totally irresponsible and ignore the increasingly impossible task of packing up all this stuff then i should at least go outside and slack in the beautiful sunshine? oh. i see. well, no thanks, i'll just keep my unshowered self right here on the sofa. thanks for asking, though.
and now, for my next trick: i shall climb back into bed.
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