[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
vengeance is mine...saith the girl with the dark circles under her eyes
[note: for those of you who are planning to read the davinci code, you might want to take a pass on today's entry. it's chock-full-of-spoilers.]
bleary-eyed from my involuntary weeklong sleep deprivation experiment, i staggered to the elevator lobby in the hotel last night. of course, with the gospel music convention's activities having just ended for the evening, there was quite a crowd.
"oh, excuse me," said the petite blonde with the gold sandals, gold dangle earrings, gold bangle bracelets and gold nail polish.
"is that book good? i see everybody reading it and i just thought, 'well, it must be awfully good if so many people are reading it!'"
i look down at the copy of the the davinci code in my hand.
"honestly, it's like a great summer movie -- it's smart and it's quite the page-turner. i haven't been able to put it down."
i also couldn't help but think, "and thank god i've had an entertaining read on hand since i certainly haven't been getting any sleep thanks to the 24/7 choir in the hallways." but, instead, i just said, "i highly recommend it."
"oh, i'm not really so much of a reader, really...i was just curious. you know, since so many people are reading it. it seems it's either that or that harry potter book. you know, i just don't think kids should be reading that stuff, that wizards and black magic stuff."
the elevator dinged and the crowd pushed forward as the doors slid open. the blonde and i were among the last to make the cut.
most of our fellow passengers were her fellow conventioneers. i could hear two of them talking to one another about how the week had been so refreshing and exciting. "it's just so good to see the righteous spirit alive and well in so many people. so many faithful people."
"so, what's it about, anyway?" gold-plate barbie asked.
"well, it's a little hard to explain," i started.
"i guess i could sum it up this way: basically, it's about the fact that christianity is based on a mysogonist mythology. that the chalice that modern religion has told us was the holy grail wasn't really a chalice at all. that the holy grail was actually mary magdalene, you know, the woman that we've been told was a whore? well, actually, it seems she and jesus were married. and they had a child. so, there's this whole bloodline of jesus' descendants. oh, and there's even a theory that jesus intended for mary magdalene -- his wife -- to carry on his ministry after his death! how cool is that?! there are also some secret societies that engage in some pretty interesting rituals, if you know what i mean."
she stared at me, wide-eyed and silent.
then i noticed that all the conversation had stopped and gold-plate barbie wasn't the only one staring at me.
"oh, and there's some car chasing kind of stuff, too," i added with a weary smile.
as i stepped off the elevator, i turned just before the door closed.
"so, listen, you guys have a really nice evening. and may the goddess bless you."
it was dead quiet in my hallway last night.
i slept like a baby.
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