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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
10.09.2003  

heh heh...he said "snatch"
growing up in west virginia, i became pretty accustomed to relatively low production values on our local newscasts.

these were not anchors who were one step away from breaking on to the network scene. although, matt lauer was a reporter at one of our local stations, i believe. not that he would admit it.

and the stories were often stretching the definition of "news" pretty far.

i remember watching the local news one evening when the "big" story was a local pumpkin festival. the reporter on the scene was doing his best to hype up the festival, standing there holding a heaping plate of funnel cakes while mullet-wearing kids with dirty faces waved madly in the background.

"so, come on down to the milton pumpkin festival! it's a great time, tom!"

so, we go back to tom, smiling there behind the anchor desk, and he says, "that's bob aaron down at the milton pumpkin festival, which runs through this weekend."

and we fade to black, going to commercial.

but the commercial isn't ready to go. and the mike is still on. but, of course, tom doesn't know that. so, we hear tom, in one of those contrived announcer-type voices say:

"like anybody gives a flying fuck."

that was the kind of excellent entertainment you get with local small-town newscasts. you just don't get that kind of fun with the network guys. i mean, when was the last time you heard peter jennings say "flying fuck"?

so, although i expected to hear random stuff like that from my local newscasts back in west virginia, i sort of thought things would be more professional over here in dc. and, for the most part, they are. on a typical evening, i hear teaser spots for the eleven o'clock newscasts like:

"israel takes action against syria...join us at eleven."

or

"local residents protest sales tax increase...the story tonight at eleven."

so, imagine my surprise last night when i hear this teaser for my local newscast:

"two bad guys drive around...tryin' to snatch people."

in addition to being highly amused, i got a little homesick, actually.
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