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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
[the ones people ask about]
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[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]



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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
6.30.2003  

katharine, the great

"yet beneath it somehow there was something adorable: men didn't want to have sex with her, they wanted to hang out with her. she could crack wise with the best of them, and if she lacked the curvy figure of the screen sex goddess, she had fabulous legs, broad, square shoulders that wore clothes beautifully, and a greyhound's predatory stride. her profile was aphrodite's on a good day on olympus, when the sun was out and all the boy-gods were on best behavior, for once. and she had that thing that commands: only the strongest of male stars could stand up to it, and when she found someone her equal, the results were almost always delicious magic." -- stephen hunter of the washington post

it was from my grandmother that i learned my appreciation of classic films. the grand spectacle of the movie musical. the all-but-dead these days art of the well-written banter.

and, of course, the magnificent katharine hepburn.

we often settled in to watch a hepburn-tracy marathon together. adam's rib. woman of the year. desk set. and, my grandmother's favorite, pat and mike. we knew the lines by heart. we never grew tired of them.

my own favorite was the classic, the philadelphia story. hepburn. grant. stewart. it's a no-brainer for me. world class bantering. wicked humor. it tops my personal best list.

i remember reading in her autobiography that she was especially grateful to her parents for the freethinking and open upbringing they provided to her. "they gave me freedom from fear," she said.

and i think it was that freedom from fear, so obvious in the way she lived her life, that i most admired. growing up, i looked to katharine hepburn as a role model. and it had nothing to do with acting. she was the epitome of what i thought a woman could -- and should -- be. she seemed to me to be the perfect dichotomy, as at ease in a ballgown as she was in tattered khakis. all elegance and class, but you just knew that she had a bit of a salty mouth. perfectly comfortable with being one of the boys, but able to charm the pants off of them if she ever set her mind to doing so.

i looked to her example over the years. an example of how to never shy away from being the smart girl, even when others ridicule you for it. an example of how to stand up for what you believe in, even in a world that tells you to sit down and shut up. an example of how to live life by your own rules while still respecting others. and for many years, i celebrated the fact that she and i shared a birthday -- and remember being disappointed when she eventually revealed that she had adopted november 8th as her birthday as a tribute to her beloved brother who died at a very young age -- it was, in fact his birthday, and not hers.

to me, she was grace.

wit.

moxie.

style.

conviction.

there just aren't enough adjectives.

to me, she was the blueprint.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.26.2003  

snippets from a rainy weekend at the shore. just almost as good as being there. trust me.
fugazi-head: so, you ended up putting boys of summer on the cd.
me: yeah, it was suggested by an overwhelming majority of readers, so i thought it should definitely be included.
fugazi-head: i never understood that whole thing about the dead head stuck on a cadillac.
me: what part don't you understand?
fugazi-head: well, i mean...how's it stuck on there?
me: well, it's a sticker.
fugazi-head: what?
me: it's a sticker. you know, a dead head sticker.
fugazi-head: he doesn't say that.
me: he totally says that.
fugazi-head: no, he doesn't.
me: uh-huh...see...listen...it's coming up....right here....

out on the road today
i saw a dead head sticker on a cadillac

[sound of winshield wipers]

fugazi-head: huh. well, that makes a lot more sense to me now.
me: i would think so.

[sound of windshield wipers]

me: so, you thought it was an actual head on a car?
fugazi-head: yeah, you know, like that dead cow head that boss hogg had on his cadillac.
me: wow.

----

d1: dude, if you're ever dancing, and you can't find the beat, just look at jules...she is always on the beat. it's unbelievable.
d2: good to know.
d1: just look at her shoulders, though. don't look at her hips. whatever you do, don't look at her hips. i don't think you could handle it.
d2: probably not.
me: my hips will totally burn your retinas out.
d2: again, good to know.

----

me: what do you mean i'm not bionic?! of course i'm bionic. listen to this:

[kicks leg really rather suprisingly high into the air whilst making "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" bionic-type sound]

me: see?! i'm totally bionic.
d2: and maybe a little drunk?
me: nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh

---

j: my god, they have a five egg omelet on the menu! that's huge!
d2: yeah, that's like two eggs more than the regular three-egg omelet.

[silence]

me: well, thank god we have three accountants at the table or we would have been here for days trying to cipher that one out.

----

k: hey, you guys, how would you pronounce this: p-o-q-u-e.

[conferring]

me: j and i think it's pronounced "poke." we also think it's not a real word.
k: well, i think it's a name. it says, "the dining room is run by poque and his wife."
j: oh...yeah, it's an indian name.
k: oh, really?
j: yeah, you know...like poque-a-hontas.

[hysterical laughter]

----

me: so, d, get ready...we have to sing the chorus.
d2: when the hell is the chorus? is this the chorus?
me: dude, who doesn't know the chorus to tiny dancer? are you mocking my music?
d2: well, it is a little girlie. i mean, it's pretty good, but it's just a little girlie.
me: fair enough. can you give me an example of something i could have included that would have made it less girlie?

[long pause]

d2: maybe some ac/dc. or some black sabbath.
me: i think you've, perhaps, missed the whole spirit of this particular mix. but, you know...i'll keep those suggestions in mind, 'cause nothing says singalong like black sabbath.
d2: hey! are you being smart?
me: hey now, don't take that tone with me!
d2: oh yeah, whaddyagonnadoaboutit?
me: nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.23.2003  

what i did on my summer vacation: saw the hulk. and it sucked. incredibly.
yeah, so it rained most of my weekend getaway. but, you know, there are lots of things you can do when it rains and you're on vacation:

1. drinking
2. outlet shopping
3. drinking
4. drinking
5. seeing a move

so, we checked out the hulk. or is it just "hulk"? anyway, i know for sure it's not the incredible hulk. and how do i know this? because it is not incredible. it sucked.

oh, i've seen the reviews. i've seen plenty of nice, positive, even glowing reviews. and to those reviewers, i say, "whah?" i can't even tell you the last time i saw a movie that i thought sucked this much. there was so much suckage, i'm not even sure which suckage to address first.

1. it's two hours and change. and you don't see any hulk activity for the first 40 minutes or so, easily. no, no hulk in sight. instead we get a bunch of flashback crap and expository hooey and psychobabble about paternal abandonment. blah blah blah. hey, ang lee, this is not sense and sensibility. it's not even crouching tiger, hidden dragon. it's supposed to be, i thought, a summer popcorn movie. i actually said out loud, "oh, for god's sake, enough with the navel-gazing psychoanalysis...turn into the hulk already!" yikes.

2. how come, no matter what he's wearing, the hulk always ends up in those purple shorts??

3. nick nolte is insane. and, he smells bad. i actually know about his smelling bad from personal experience, but i'm just saying that seeing him on the big screen in this movie should leave everyone with that distinct impression without having to actually endure the experience firsthand. consider yourselves lucky, and forewarned.

4. other than the contrived and drawn-out backstory about how bruce's father issues have warped him, there really isn't a story here. and since that story is a real downer, not to mention beaten into the proverbial ground, i'm just saying, "hey, shouldn't there be a story?" something like, bruce finds out he's the hulk. then, at first, bruce's hulkness just makes him tear stuff up. then, bruce embraces his hulkness and uses it for good, not evil, or something like that. you could even work that whole evil dad part into it, that's cool, but, come on...i mean, this hulk just basically tears stuff up. a lot. and, um, that's about it.

5. i almost dozed off, but some experimental theater/performance art set piece featuring a wild-eyed, wild-haired nolte literally chewing scenery in the third act jolted me out of it. it was truly bizarre.

6. i almost dozed off again and was confused when, suddenly, everyone on the screen was speaking spanish and there were subtitles. i thought maybe i had actually fallen asleep and some foreign film was now playing. so, i was excited for a minute. but then i was sad because, no...it was still the hulk.

7. and now, we present the lovely jennifer connelly playing pretty much exactly the same role she played in a beautiful mind. except i feel really confident that she won't win an oscar for it this time. yeah...i'd put some money on that. typically, roles in movies that feature killer mutant french poodles don't get a whole lot of oscar recognition.

8. i was a little sad when everyone in the theater got pretty much the only little joke in the film: lou ferrigno makes a cameo as a security guard. so, why was i sad? because the security guard who is talking to him is stan lee. and no one got that.

i will say that i enjoyed ang lee's use of a sort-of-cool onscreen technique of dividing the screen like frames in a comic. cool. but, dude, come on...that only gets you so far in a two and a half hour flick. lighten up. it's a comic book. about a big green guy with purple shorts. have some fun. please. i'm begging you.

bottom line: i try and find something to like about pretty much every movie i see. but, honestly, all i could think after this one was, "well, there's two and a half hours of my life that i'll never get back." take that for what it's worth.

ps - despite the rain, the summer singalong cd was a smashing success with everyone but the fugazi-head. i was gonna post the track list, but i forgot the cd, and blah blah blah, so if you want one, i'm giving out 15. first come, first served. and, yeah, scott and cw...smooth is on it. and i put it right in the freaking middle of the disc so you can't just start on track two to avoid it. and i did it on purpose. just for you guys. kisses!

to get your very own cd, email me your name & address. and also, $5,000. or, you know, just the name and address. either way.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.18.2003  

mixmaster j or dj jazzy jules? too close to call...especially since both are superlame.
so, i'm wrapping up the mix, i think.

thanks for all your great suggestions.

please know that any and all omissions are because i decided on a sub-theme to my theme and it was pretty specific [as you will soon see]. plus there were a few songs i didn't really dig. so, you know, i left those off too.

but, thanks! really! seriously!

at any rate, the sub-theme became:

"mid-tempo to upbeat songs most people know and/or will sing along to in the car, or if drunk. and also make you think of summer...but mostly you can sing along to them."

and, while you, my friends and readers, have a wide and varied musical universe which is familiar to you, some of my compatriots on this trip would not be well-acquainted with some of your fabulous suggestions. basically, what i'm saying here, is we're a bunch of tools so, um, here are a few of the highlights...or lowlights...depending on your perspective.

melt with you - modern english
tiny dancer - elton john
get down tonight - kc and the sunshine band
the tide is high - blondie
three little birds - bob marley
one week - barenaked ladies
runaround - blues traveler
brick house - the commodores

and, of course, just for cw...smooth.

clearly, these are not your most current, cutting-edge, top 40 or even street-cred indie titles. however, they are all fun. so there.

i'll post a complete track list when it's all finished, which will be precisely...tomorrow. and i'll offer a limited quantity of super-special signed and numbered limited release discs...you know...if anyone wants one. in addition, i do plan to make another disc which is a little more eclectic in mixation [yeah, i made up another word.] and based entirely on your suggestions. well, mostly on your suggestions.

anyway, i'll post that track list soon, too. and also give out a few of those.

in other news, i'm slammed at work, and being an amateur dj is taking up all my spare time. exciting stuff, eh?

but, the good news is that i'll be able to make up for my sparse posting with guaranteed stories of this weekend's trip. seriously, if you knew my friends, you would not doubt my use of italics on the word guaranteed.


[ed. note: many thanks to those of you who have written to ask about my family in light of the extensive flooding in west virginia. my folks are smack in the middle of the area experiencing the flooding, but, fortunately, they've been spared. keep your fingers crossed -- more rain in the forecast for tomorrow. thanks again -- i'm always really touched by how thoughtful you guys are. the blogosphere is a very cool place.]
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.16.2003  

discuss amongst yourselves
so, i'm back. again. but not really. i mean, i'm back. in the office. in my house. in my own bed. albeit without eminem. truth be told, i kind of miss him. he's actually sort of funny. and really good with my niece. and he makes a pretty good crepe.

so, i'm back, but not here. i mean, i'm exhausted. a little punchy. distracted. stressed. all that jazz.

i thought i'd get a good night's sleep last night, but i just tossed and turned. for hours. i have a bit of personal springeresque drama going on, so that causes me to lose sleep. but, i think it was actually the infamous too-tired-to-sleep thing that was really keeping me up. i just couldnt' relax. couldn't stop thinking "why aren't i asleep yet?" which, eventually turned into things like:

if i worked at pixar*, i would have made a movie called finding neo and all the little fishes would have worn sunglasses and leather outfits and kicked other fishes' asses. wait...do fishes actually have asses? and, since they don't have ears, can they wear sunglasses? i mean, that goldfish in the goldfish cracker commercials wears sunglasses and he doesn't have ears, obviously, so maybe it would work. man...i love goldfish crackers. especially the pizza ones.

so, you can see why i didn't get any sleep.

but, on to other things. in addition to my brilliant finding neo idea, i was also thinking about a mix cd i need to make in the next couple of days. not that it will even come close to the awesome mix cd recently sent to me by the internet-famous-han-solo-lookalike schmeg coward! schmeg, your mix was awesome! so awesome it made me want to run...or at least walk really really fast. and let me just tell you: no mean feat, that.

and so, i digress yet again. seriously, folks: sleep. deprivation.

anyway, i'm heading to the beach this weekend and i'll be riding up with a wonderful and incredibly cool friend. unfortunately, said wonderful and incredibly cool friend has a top-five-all-time-favorite-song list that includes, like, four fugazi songs.

uh, yeah.

so, i thought i'd make a mix cd for the road trip to the beach. and that i'll force him to play at least two songs off of it. somehow.

since every good mix cd has some sort of theme, i came up with two ideas:

songs that reflect the anxiety i feel at the prospect of putting a bathing suit on my non-gym-acquainted ass in front of my friends before they're liquored up enough not to notice that it is roughly the equivalent of greenland in terms of size

or

summertime songs

i had a hard time thinking of songs for theme number one. mostly it was just loser by beck and at 17 by janis ian. so, looks like it'll be theme number two. so, let's commence with the suggestions, shall we?

but, first, a few guidelines:

- songs should evoke summertime. duh. but, you know, summertime for you. for some of you that might be some cheesy bubblegum pop song. for others...um...other stuff. anyway, whatever song(s) make(s) you think of summer, that's what we're looking for here. we're not going all genre-specific.

- songs do NOT need to have the word "summer" or the word "sun" in the title or the lyric in order to be eligible. i am oh-so tempted to invoke the dreaded "think outside the box" here. but, i perservere and refrain. and also: is that how you spell "perservere"? doesn't look right.

- songs should NOT be fugazi.

that is all. commence with the suggesting while i try and sneak a power nap at my desk.




*pixar is on the fast-track to upsurp npr as the place-i'd-most-like-to-work. i mean, just because i know nothing about computer animation, and just because i can't even draw a stick figure...i mean...that shouldn't pose any sort of problem, right? i love you, pixar.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.10.2003  

on the road again
so, i'm in baltimore this week. it's actually sort of a pain in my rear because it's not so far from home that i feel like i'm really going anywhere, but it's too far for me to stay at home and just make the commute.

after baltimore, it's a week in tampa, and, while i don't mind a little travel now and then, i think i'm worn out. not only am i having trouble finding time to blog, my energy level is in the toilet so i'm not writing writing...i'm just writing.

shut up. it made sense in my head.

of course, i do love getting clean white towels every day. and i do love room service. and i do love expense accounts. and i do love hotel bars, i really really do.

but, as much as i love hotels, i think my brain is trying to tell me that it's time to get off the road and rest for a while. last night i woke up in a cold sweat and found myself lying horizontally across my king-sized bed, wound up in sheets and blankets. after a few disorienting moments, i realized that i had been in the midst of an incredibly vivid dream in which i had taken my new love home to meet my family. things were going great, as i recall. everyone was just nuts about him, and he was even playing with my niece.

of course, it was eminem.

clearly, i need to go home.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.06.2003  

a little bathroom humor
so, what ever happened to lotion?

i'm talking about plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.

last night i noticed that the summer heat has made my legs a little dry. and nobody wants to smooch a dry flaky girl. so, i thought i'd take a moment and moisturize.

now, for the record: i am a product junkie. i have bottles and jars and tubes strung out across my bathroom for as far as the eye can see. although, come on...it's not a big bathroom. the eye can see pretty much the whole thing.

there are bottles stashed in plastic bins under the sink.

there are tubes stacked on top of one another in the medicine cabinet.

i even had to buy a little cabinet to put in my bathroom specifically to hold all the products that won't fit in the drawers and plastic boxes. it's my product annex.

but, last night, as i started going through my extensive product library, i was stunned to find a total absence of plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.

i found lotion to make my thighs firmer.

i found lotion to make the hair on my legs grow back slower, so i don't have to shave as often [thank god. seriously.].

i found lotion to help fight that dreaded summertime curse: bacne.

i found lotion with gold shimmer. lotion with bronze shimmer. lotion with alpha hydroxys. lotion with beta hydroxys. lotion that opens canned goods and balances your checkbook.

but no plain-old-moisturize-your-skin lotion.

i really don't think i can adequately express to you how distressing i found this situation. when did moisturizing become a multi-billion dollar industry? anyway, i slathered some baby oil on my legs and went to bed. so, crisis resolved.

---

you know you need a vacation when you're brushing your teeth with your electric toothbrush and the battery dies and you spend 15 minutes rummaging through your product-packed bathroom desperately looking for another toothbrush instead of just using your electric one like a regular one.

honestly, the thought just didn't even cross my mind.

---

and now for something completely different, and totally not bathroom-related...since i don't do the friday five, here's my own little friday diversion. as you may know from reading my 100 things list, i watch inside the actors studio. and so, i will now entertain you with my own answers to the infamous 10 questions that lipton asks each guest. as you know, the questions are adapted from a questionnaire created by some frenchie-french talk show guy named bernard pivot. whatever. anyway, feel free to leave your own answers in the comments. or not.

[note: it might make this seem cooler if you actually imagine lipton asking me the questions. or not. i said might.]

q. what is your favorite word?
a. luminous

q. what is your least favorite word?
a. cancer

q. what turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
a. words

q. what turns you off?
a. lies

q. what is your favorite curse word?
a. fuck

q. what sound or noise do you love?
a. rain

q. what sound or noise do you hate?
a. children screaming

q. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
a. writer

q. what profession would you not like to attempt?
a. writer

q. if heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
a. finally. okay...you'll be bunking with grant, hepburn, stewart...and clooney.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.04.2003  

that shiznit just never gets old to me
so, i ran my page through the snoop dog shizzolator.

what can i say? i'm a simple girl.

a few highlights:

i work crossword puzzles in ink n' shit.

i would be a really gravy mom, but i'm bomb diggity wit being a really gravy aunt, know what i'm sayin'?

i am not afraid tell muthas that i love 'em.

i typically enjoy da company of fools mo' than brizzle.

[conde nast traveler's where are yo' ass? contest]

"i seen that shiznit in a virtually sold-out theater, know what I'm sayin'? which wuz bomb diggity on one hand, because yo' ass're thinking, "hey, gravy fo' yo' ass, little indie documentary!" not bomb diggity on da other hand because yo' ass end up surrounded by muthas who are so pathetic that they're actually spelling words out loud in da theater n' shit. shut up. i mean, yeah, forty-year-old-fool, yo' ass can spell "ecclesiastical" 'n "corollary." yo' ass're freakin' forty n' shit. they're twelve n' shit. maybe that shiznit's just a tad bit tougher fo' 'em n' shit. oh, wass that? don't hear yo' ass chiming in on "hellebore," now do i? yeah, that's what i thought, yo' ass smug bastard n' shit."

and, of course, my personal favorite:

[izzall content recognize 2003 by tequila mockingbird, know what I'm sayin'? fo' real, know what I'm sayin'? ]

fo' shizzle.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.03.2003  

note to that person who got offended that one time i made a joke about "schindler's lifts": don't read this post.
so, yesterday, i'm surfing the web, and i notice a banner ad along the side of the page i'm looking at.

first, a black silhouette of a man fades in.

then, a red heart fades in behind him.

next, text fades in at the top of the ad:

"if you love someone with schizophrenia..."

then, the text fades in below the graphic:

"you're not alone."

well, duh.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.02.2003  

'cause i've been such a blog-slacker...it's not one, but two movie reviews!
i had a busy weekend. well, busy if you think trying to catch up on seeing movies is busy. and it is, my friends...busy and costly.

irritated note: hey, independent film-type people, i have an idea i'd like to share with ya. let's say i'm an early-twenties type. let's say i don't make bazillions of dollars. i have a rather limited expendable income, and a good portion of that is already earmarked for mojitos and low-riders from bebe. let's say that after all of my too-cool-for-school purchases have been made, i decide i'd like to see a movie at 4:00 on a saturday afternoon. i can see some piece of crap like 2 fast 2 furious or [god help me] dumb and dumberer for about $5.75...or i can go see a charmer like spellbound for freaking $9.00. point being this: you want more people to see your indie movies? want bigger audiences? broader audiences? then stop making me pay more to see your damn indie movies. just an idea. throwin' it out there for your consideration.

so, first up: spellbound. i know, the description sounds irresistible, right? not just a documentary, but a documentary about the national spelling bee. you're probably thinking, "oh, yeah...this has to be edge-of-your-seat stuff. fascinating." well, shut up, smarty pants. 'cause guess what: it's awesome. didya like best in show? how about a mighty wind? well, then you're gonna loove this. it's every bit as funny as either of those -- maybe even funnier because it's real people. you'll laugh. you'll cry [well, okay, you probably won't cry...but you might tear up. or at least be a little disappointed on behalf of someone.]. you'll be glad these aren't your parents. or your kids. you'll remember what is was like to be the biggest dork in school and how, years later, you've managed to overcome all that, put it behind you, and now live happily as the biggest dork in your office.

i saw it in a virtually sold-out theater. which was cool on one hand, because you're thinking, "hey, good for you, little indie documentary! way to go!" not cool on the other hand because you end up surrounded by people who are so pathetic that they're actually spelling the words out loud in the theater. shut. up. i mean, yeah, forty-year-old-guy, you can spell "ecclesiastical" and "corollary." you're freakin' forty. they're twelve. maybe it's just a tad bit tougher for them. and, oh, what's that? don't hear you chiming in on "hellebore," now do i? yeah, that's what i thought, you smug bastard.

my favorite moment in the movie [and it's tough, because, honestly, there were a whole lot of them]: when the manager of the local hooters says that they wanted to show their support and get behind their local champ who was on her way to the nationals, so they put up on their marquee: "congradulations nupur!" that. is. classic.

anyway, this is a documentary. it's not getting the wide release of, say, wrong turn [don't get me started.]. but, hear me when i tell you that you should go find it. wherever it's playing. and fork out the $9.00. it's highly entertaining.

and now for something completely different...

whoever told edward norton that he should grow some little guido-lookin'-cheesy mustache for the italian job owes him a big fat apology. and some money. he doesn't look evil. he doesn't look menacing. he looks like that guy in your junior high class who's trying really hard to grow facial hair in an effort to look older and more distinguished but, instead, just looks like more of a tool than he did before he started.

the italian job has a few problems, but most aren't any more significant than norton's silly facial hair. mark wahlberg comes off as, uh...less than charismatic. as does charlize theron, although, i'm perfectly willing to consider the idea that she wasn't added to the cast simply on the merits of her acting skills. if you saw the trailer, you pretty much already know the first half-hour...and, um...the last half-hour, too [god, i hate that.].

so, given all of that, you might be surprised to hear me say: go see this movie. it's the kind of no-harm-no-foul escapist fare that i find eminently watchable. which is why i've seen ocean's eleven about, oh, fifteen times. okay, okay...the real reason i've seen ocean's eleven aobut fifteen times is because george clooney was put on this earth to show men how to wear a tuxedo now that cary grant isn't around to fill that role.

but that's neither here nor there.

both movies are fast, fun, and as substantial as cotton candy. they're perfect examples of the it's-summertime-so-don't-think-just-be-entertained-by-this-entirely-unreal-escapist-movie-filled-with-impossibilities-and-great-locations-and-the-kind-of-snappy-one-liners-you-wish-you-could-think-of kind of movie. and there are some really good things going on in the italian job that more than make up for edward norton's cheesy mustache. specifically: those snappy one-liners, a very likable supporting cast [especially the hilarious seth green, whose character steals the whole movie with his subplot that he was the "real" napster and that his college roommate stole the whole idea from him], and, most importantly, the mini coopers.

this movie made me want to run out and get a mini and throw it into the back of my suv and take it with me everywhere i go. it also made me want to drive fast. and go to italy. and steal stuff.

but, i digress.

anyway, you won't think much. but you will be entertained. and, hey, isn't that what a summer movie is supposed to do?

so, go forth. and see a movie. or two.
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