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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

[the ones people ask about]
Rittenhouse Review
Investment Banking Monkey
Cheap Ticket News
iPhone News
Hotels and Travel News
Latest on Retirement Planning
Consumer News and Reviews

[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]

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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


still more conversations with dmv employees, or "how the internet makes everything easier" - part two in a seemingly endless series

“thank you for calling geico, this is rachel, how may i help you?”

“hi, rachel. i’m calling because i needed to provide you guys with additional information to process my new policy request and i’m having some problems.”

“okay, let me pull up your policy information.”


“okay, so i see we needed to get your georgia driver’s license number.”

“right. and that doesn’t seem to be happening. at least not until i happen to be in the neighborhood of a georgia dmv office and have a minute to pop in. and since i’m living in maryland now, i’m not really sure when that might be. so, uh…until i can figure out how to get the information, i guess we sort of have to put things on hold. and i just wanted to let you guys know so you can update that on the system, or whatever you need to do.”

“yeah. okay...i'm making a note. okay. georgia can be a challenge.”

“well, at least i know it’s not just me then.”

“nope. not just you. you know…you could probably get the number from maryland. from the maryland dmv. when they ask you to surrender [note: even a level-headed gal like rachel can’t resist the allure of “surrender!”] your georgia license, they enter that number into their system. they can probably give it to you.”

“oh my gosh, rachel, thanks!”

“good luck. and just let us know when you get it.”

so, i go to the maryland dmv website, hoping against hope there will be a big flashing button that says “click here to get your georgia driver’s license number.”

unfortunately, there is not.

so, i do a little reading and find that i can request my driving records online. but, i’m not sure that my driving records will contain the information i need. so, reluctantly --very reluctantly -- i pick up the phone.

“thank you for calling the maryland motor vehicle administration. our hours are 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 pm monday through friday.”

okay. thanks for the information.

“please call back during regular business hours.”

what? wait. hold on.

i look at the clock on my desk: 8:40 a.m.

and i know it must be monday through friday because i’m sitting at my desk in my office, and i have a strict policy that prohibits me from doing that on saturday or sunday.

so, i hang up. and, as any rational person would do, i immediately dial again.

“thank you for calling the maryland motor vehicle administration. our hours are 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 pm monday through friday.”

and so it goes. until 8:55 when someone answers the phone.

"hi, i’m calling with a question about my driving records. "

“okay. how can i help you?”

how can i help you?! all right, people! this is what i’m talking about! let’s get some help going my way here!

“well, when i got my maryland driver’s license, i surrendered my old license from the state of georgia. and i need to give that number to the insurance company in order for them to set up my new policy. i didn’t have much luck with the georgia dmv, so i was wondering if that information would be in the maryland system as part of my driving record.”


yes. she said yes. oh happy day! oh joy of joys!

“yes? really? yes?”


“oh my gosh, that is great news! okay, so what will i need to do to get that?”

“well, you can just go to any mva office and request your driving records.”

“even one of the express offices? there’s one of those on my way to work.”

“yes, the express offices can do that for you. or, you could just request them online.”

and the heavens opened and the angels sang, and i was very very happy.

“oh my gosh! that’s great!”

“yes. you’ll have to pay with a credit card. and be sure that when you request the records, you select the option that says ‘include previous state license number.’”

wow. not only could i get my records online, thereby avoiding the hell-on-earth that is a trip to an mva office, but they actually have a specific checkbox for this very thing that i need. what are the chances?

“thanks so much! have a good day.”

“you too.”

so, i hang up the phone and start clicking away. and after a few moments of clicking-and-reading and clicking-and-reading, i realize that i’m not entirely sure if i’m just ordering my records online and they will be mailed to me, or if i’m ordering them online and will be able to view them online.

i mean, i can see the link to order the records.

and i can see the link to view records online.

but the two links don’t seem to actually have anything to do with each other.

so, i decide to call the mva. again.

“motor vehicle administration.”

uh oh. no “how can i help you?” still, i decide to press on, undeterred.

“hi, i’m calling with a question about requesting driving records.”


“uh…okay. um, i moved to maryland from georgia. and when i got my maryland driver’s license, i surrendered [it just never gets old] my georgia license and…”

“…and now the insurance company wants your georgia driver’s license number.”

oh god. they know. they’ve all heard about me. word has spread. they’re all like, “there’s some girl calling about how she surrendered her georgia license. and she keeps saying surrendered. she’s a total nutter.”


“yeah, that’s pretty common.”

pretty common? well, this is excellent news. i mean, if it's pretty common, then there must be a pretty common way to get it, right? i mean, one would think. logically.

“so, i can get that from you guys?”

“sure can. all you have to do is request your driving records. and make sure you check the right box on the form.”

“the one that says previous state driver’s license number?”

“that’s the one.”

“and i can request this on the website?”


“okay, i have one other question. on the website, i can see the option to request the records. and to pay for them online. but then there’s a whole other thing for me to view them online. how does that work?”

“you have to have a pin number to look at records online.”

“so, i set up an account or something?”

“yeah. then we mail you a pin number.”

“okay. great. wait…you mail me a pin number?”

“yeah. then when you get the pin number, you can go on the website and look at the records.”

“but...can't i just order the records on the website and have them mailed to me?”


[long silence]

“so…if i just request the records online and they mail them to me, then the records would get here about the same time as the pin number.”

“well, i mean, if you ask for a pin number. we don’t just automatically send you one.”

“right. so, in other words, i can’t go to the website and order my records and then pay for them and look at them on the website.”

“yes, you can.”

“okay, i'm sorry. i'm confused. moreso than usual.”

“well, you can do that if you already have a pin number. if you already have a pin number, you can order the records on the website then look at them.”

“and so i needed to request a pin number, like, two weeks ago to be able to look at my records today.”

“probably three weeks ago. it takes a while.”

“so, the whole website-as-convenience thing…i mean…basically...not-so-much.”

“well, it’s because of homeland security.”

“of course.”

“you know the fastest thing? just go to the mva office. you can get the records there.”

anytime anyone says to you: “you know the fastest thing? just go to the mva office,” i think you can safely assume that every other possible even remotely “fast” thing on the face of the planet has already been tried. including things involving snails.

the fastest thing is to go to the mva.

compared to what, evolution? a day on venus? the end of the lord of the rings: the return of the king?

“okay. and i can get the records at any mva office…even the express offices?”


“and will i need anything? two forms of identification or a utility bill or anything like that?”


“you know…for…security. like, homeland security, or, just to make sure i’m requesting my own records, or…”

[long silence]

“okay. so, no identification needed then, right?”

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