[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
okay, so, i’m just going to talk for the next ten minutes or so. and, you don’t have to say anything. not while i’m talking. or even when i’m finished talking. really. you don’t have to say anything. it might even be better if you just don’t. say anything.
and even if you really want to, please don’t stop me. i mean, if you stop me, i’ll never get this out. and i have to get this out.
so, when we were talking the other day...about your girlfriend...and about how you’re feeling frustrated because you think the two of you are really different in your approaches to...well, to everything. to, you know, life. how some people live life to the fullest and some people...don’t. anyway, that made me think. about myself. about which type of person i am.
and, here’s the thing…i’m a life-to-the-fullest kind of gal. really. i’m not just saying that. but, then i was thinking that, lately...well, not just lately, but since i met you. which is, what, like a year ago now? anyway, for the last year, i haven’t really been that person. well, i mean, in some areas i still have been.
i’m really not doing a very good job with this.
anyway, i’m usually a risk-taker. a chance-taker. i try to live life so i don’t have to wonder “what if.” i don’t want to have regrets. or “if only”s. but, since i met you, i’ve been...not risk taking.
okay, here’s the thing: i’m nuts about you. not that it isn’t obvious. i mean, you’re a smart guy. i’m sure this isn’t coming as some huge shock. but, i’ve been scared to say it. terrified, actually.
because there are a million reasons not to. i mean, not to say it. this. not to say all of this. a million reasons for you to say “no.” i know that.
i know we work together and that’s a big deal to some people. some people are very big on the whole “no dating people you work with” thing. i know.
and i know you’re jewish and i’m not. and, i know that some people would totally let that be a thing.
and you’re an attorney and i’m not. and, sadly, i know that some people...okay, some attorneys...seem to date only within their own species. i don’t get that, but i know that.
and i know you have a girlfriend. i know. and it’s not me. obviously. and she seems really nice. and not entirely uncute. and she is jewish. and she is an attorney.
and you probably don’t like me “that way.”
and i’m probably not your “type.” i’m not exactly the poster girl for your average guy’s “type.” i mean, if you’re a checklist kind of guy, like “tall? check. blonde? check.” i mean, i’m totally not a checklist gal.
anyway, i know there are a million reasons to say no.
but, here’s the thing.
i get you.
and, you get me. and getting me is not that easy to do, really. i mean, i’m fairly not-gettable. most people, actually, do not get me. but you did. almost immediately. i mean, you do. get me.
and when i see your extension on my caller id, i smile. automatically. it just happens. a big smile.
and i love it that we sit in your office eating almonds out of the same jar while i recap alias for you because you missed it this week. and that you say my recaps are even better than the show. especially when i act out sydney’s karate moves.
and i love it that you call my shirt "aggressively striped" even though you cannot tell me exactly what that means.
and i love it that you asked me to come to your office so you could practice the toast you were giving at your friend’s wedding. and that you let me rewrite it because, really, it needed some punching up. and that the last time you ran through it, you asked me to time it, and i told you it was two-and-a-half minutes long, but, really, i have no idea how long it was because i was too distracted noticing that you have a few gray hairs at your temple. and that you put your fingertips together every time you said the word “love.”
and i love it that sometimes i open an interoffice envelope and it’s some piece of amazing writing that you tore out of the new yorker and you put a sticky note on it that says “j – made me think of you.” i mean, i love the idea that sometimes, just during the course of your day, something makes you think of me. god, the fact that it is amazing writing from the new yorker is just gravy.
and i love it that we share your ipod headphones, me with the left and you with the right, and we’re singing baby driver and you look at me and ask me if i’m not singing because i forgot the words. but i didn’t forget the words. i mean, i know that song by heart. it’s just that i was watching you singing and all i could think about was that i have no idea how we got to this point, but i wished the song would never end. and then all i could think was that i want to know what the side of your neck smells like and i really couldn’t even hear the music anymore, let alone remember the words.
and i know. i know there are a million reasons to say “no.” but i just had to tell you. i couldn’t not tell you anymore. now, i won’t have to wonder “what if i had just told him?!” because i told you.
and i don’t want things to be weird. please don’t let things be weird. pretend like this never even happened. like i never even said any of it. especially the part about the side of your neck.
but i just had to say it.
even though i know.
i know you have a million reasons to say “no.”
it’s just that i’m hoping you might have one reason to say “yes.”
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