[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
there's a reason you only get 15 minutes of fame...
i'm walking out of california pizza kitchen yesterday, and i stop with my friend to take a look at one of the panda statues outside the restaurant. it's part of the everso creatively named "pandamania" public art project here in DC.
yeah. i guess "pandamonium" wasn't edgy enough. [ed. note: and before the comments start, i was eating a grilled chicken caesar salad. totally south beach legal. i swear.]
anyway, i'm explaining to my friend that this particular little bear has already been vandalized. because people suck. and that three others in the vicinity have also been vandalized, some with graffiti, others, like this one, have had things torn off of them.
while i'm explaining this, a guy with a microphone walks up and asks me what i think of the bear.
"it's cute," i say.
wow. "cute." that's cutting edge commentary right there, folks. deep. insightful. brilliant.
"do you think it's art?"
"sure. yeah. definitely."
again with the brilliant.
in an effort to appear more polysyllabic, i go on to say, "it just makes me sad that people are vandalizing them."
"what do you think makes people do something like that?"
now, in my defense, what kind of question is that?! i'll tell you what kind of question that is, that's a question with no answer, that's what that is.
"honestly, i have no idea what would posess someone to do something like that."
he just stares at me as though i must have more to say. surely i must have something more illuminating to add.
"i mean. i don't know. maybe some people are just..."
i have no idea.
fanfreakingtastic. i must recover. must save this.
"or, you know, maybe they're...drunk?"
his eyes widen a bit.
"or, you know...maybe drunk and stupid."
and then he asks me my name and i actually give it to him. yeah, now who's drunk and stupid?
that's about the time he says, "i'm with npr."
that's right. npr.
yeah, some people get a shot at npr airtime and come through like a champ. others are even so talented that they get returning gigs.
me? my contribution to the npr archives is "drunk and stupid."
so much for that shot at this american life.
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