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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

[the ones people ask about]
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Investment Banking Monkey
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Latest on Retirement Planning
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[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]

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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


here’s a little something we haven’t done in a while…
and for those of you who said “well posting is something we haven’t done in a while,” i say, “bite me.”
if you’ve read the archives – and with the shameful lack of new posts, i’m sure you have – you know that, from time to time, i’ll give you kids a little movie review.
in general, i like movies. most movies. unless they’re complete ass, i’m willing to say “eh. i was entertained.”
so, when i heard that the smokin’ hot zach braff was coming to dc to do a preview screening – and q&a – of his first film, garden state i decided that, if my master plan of bearing zach’s children is to come to fruition, it would be a good first step to go to the screening. and, thanks in no small part to the just-as-smokin’-hot-as-zach-braff-and-generally-fabulous jen i scored a pass to the screening.
and, because i know all you kids wanna know [especially you, cw]: yes, zach braff is completely hot in person. his hair? pantene commercial quality hair. his lips? not since angelina jolie have lips been so obviously begging for a make out session. and, at the risk of making you all green with envy [especially you, cw], i can report with absolutely authority that he does not stink. he’s as sharp and funny and genuine as you’d hope. i don’t really see how it’s possible to listen to him talk for more than five minutes and not come away with a total crush on the guy.
of course, now that i’ve seen his film and heard him talk, the real reason braff has my heart in a vice grip isn’t too hard to figure out: he’s a storyteller. as he puts it, “there are no flaming car crashes in my life. no gun battles or explosions.” he simply tells stories from everyday life. the quiet stories. the true stories. the i-can’t-believe-that-really-happened stories [a genre for which i have a particularly soft spot]. some are heartbreaking. others hysterical.
garden state is getting huge buzz, and taking on a life of its own on the internet in a way no film has since the blair witch project.  i’m not ashamed to admit that i was already completely addicted to the trailer, having watched it about, oh, i don't know, at least forty times, not to mention downloading all of the songs featured in it. something about the trailer drew me in. i was just hoping the movie delivered on the promise of the trailer. you know, it's like when you flirt with a guy and then you get to the part where you're gonna get-down-wit-the-get-down and you're just hoping it doesn't suck. yeah. when the lights went down in the theater the other night, it was pretty much like that.
and i’m happy to say:  it blew me away.
if this movie was a guy, i’d marry it. seriously. it's my dream guy. it’s warm. smart. intimate. romantic. funny…no, hysterical. the moment the credits rolled, i was tempted to yell “do over!”  the only thing that kept me from it was that it was time for the q&a with zach braff. and, after careful thought, it seemed prudent to go with the guy-who-wrote-the-movie-you’d-marry-if-it-was-a-guy rather than just watch the movie again.
here are just a few reasons you want to see this movie…even if you don’t know it yet:
-         natalie portman gives a fucking awesome performance. there's the kind of succinct observation you just don't get from roger ebert. yep, it's a fucking awesome performance. and aren’t we all glad of that? yes. yes we are. i mean, come on, there was such promise in the professional and even in beautiful girls. and then? then george lucas got his grimy mitts on her and we were all overwhelmed with sadness, weeping bitter tears at the thought of what could have been. just when we were about ready to write poor natalie off, ready to surrender her to the death star, she comes along in this movie and makes you fall in love with her all over again. rock on with your bad self, natalie. her performance is stunning -- completely without pretention. completely without vanity. there were moments when i was thinking "it's so awesome that she just did that. that she let herself do that." i’m pretty sure natalie owes zach some fairly deviant sexual acts as a big thank you for writing this part for her. and if she's not comfortable with that…she can tag me in.
-         zach braff is a really good actor.  yeah, sure, he makes you wet your pants on scrubs, but  there’s a whole lot more going on her than just great comedic timing. he’s the still point of the movie…sometimes a still point of sanity in the middle of total chaos and weirdness…other times a still point of confusion in the middle of the surreal…and other times a still point of complete awareness in the middle of the sleepwalkers that populate our daily lives. all i’m sayin’ is the guy is good. and also, i love him.
-         get thee to amazon and pre-order a soundtrack. how long have i been waiting for someone to come along and use thievery corporation’s lebanese blonde in a movie? a long damn time, that’s how long. way overdue, people. way. not to mention the fantastic track from frou frou. and an interesting cover of the postal service’s such great heights. my only gripe? the travis song featured in the trailer didn’t appear in the film. love that song. also interesting: no bon jovi or bruce springsteen in a film titled garden state. bold. very bold.
-         maybe the best reason you want to see this movie is this: you like storytelling. it’s been a long time since you felt like a movie told you a story. as my friend matt puts it, it's like you were sitting across the table from someone listening to them tell you the best story ever. you don’t want to be pandered to. you want to feel engaged. connected. you want smart, but not arrogant. you want funny, but not imbecilic. you want…real.
at the risk of sounding totally full of myself, i think that if you’re entertained by the stories that show up on this site, you will absolutely love this movie. braff’s storycrafting is light years beyond mine, and his observational skills infinitely sharper…and for that, i hate him everso slightly. but in a way that is filled with admiration. and respect. and pure animal lust.
seriously, go see it, kids. if you go see it, maybe they’ll let him make more. 
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