[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
unless your name is caroline and you are stealing my writing, you can just skip this post and read the one below it about my weekend in atlanta and how i almost died.
dear caroline of inflatable emu:
recently, a very thoughtful reader sent me a link to your blog [ed. note: oh, how i am loathe to make that a link.]. it seems she stumbled onto your site, quite by accident, and became a bit concerned that you are heading down a rather ill-fated path. she thought i might like to have an intervention with you.
i know you probably think you’re the only person in the world who ever thought, “hey, i’ll just steal her post and pretend that i wrote it and no one will ever find out.”
oh, caroline. how wrong you are.
apparently, you’re new to my site and aren’t familiar with the infamous interweb saga of bryan lamb. [ed. note: there are actually, quite a few posts to read, caroline...i just linked to the first one. make sure you check them all out so you can see how things worked out. it's really very interesting.] see, before you, caroline, there was bryan lamb. bryan, too, thought no one would ever find out. of course, bryan made the foolish and fatal mistake of linking to my site, so it was pretty easy to find him. but, you, caroline...you were just a dumb luck find. wow. what are the chances? i mean, of all the blogs in all the world, right, caroline?
anyway, bryan was wrong in thinking i wouldn't find out. and so, caroline, you and bryan appear to have at least two things in common.
furthermore, if you had familiarized yourself with the infamous interweb saga of bryan lamb and his unfortunate violation of the digital millennium copyright act, you would also be familiar with the fact that an amazing writer named sour bob became a particularly vocal crusader in the effort to force bryan to cease and desist in his violation of my copyright. quite frankly, caroline, sour bob rained down hellfire the likes of which the interweb hadn’t really seen before. fire. brimstone. it was a thing of beauty to behold, caroline, i wish you had seen it. i mean, it was a thing of beauty unless you were bryan. in which case, it sucked. a lot.
i’m telling you this, because, as you know, in addition to the posts you stole from me, you stole this post from sour bob. i think you might have stolen another one from him, too, but i sort of got tired of the whole searching and back and forth thing.
anyway, caroline: oops. big oops.
i mean, i’ll just drag out my lawyers again. but, sour bob? sour bob will make you cry.
as for the other stuff you're stealing -- well, at least the stuff i found right away -- i have no idea how the folks over at the spin starts here and right wing news will handle it.
i note you offer no contact information or commenting feature on your site. you did list your msn messenger id, but i tried several times to use it and the messages bounced back.
so, since it appears you’re reading my site, i’ll just tell you what i need to tell you right here:
the following posts on your site are in violation of the protection afforded me under the digital millennium copyright act:
1. a jolly good psa [dated august 19, 2004]
2. without you here there is less to say [dated august 20, 2004]
[ed. note: you aren’t even stealing the good stuff, caroline. the good stuff -- "good" being a completely relative and subjective term, of course -- is over there on the left under “the ones people ask about.” hell, even bryan lamb had enough sense to steal the good stuff. bring your a-game, caroline.]
you have misrepresented that you are the author of this material, which is my original work and is protected under the digital millennium copyright act. in order to comply with federal law, you need to remove those posts which contain the copyrighted material. with haste.
please also be aware that i have submitted a complaint against you to blogger [a subsidiary of google.com], which hosts your site. this complaint asks blogger to disable your site on their server until the material which is posted in violation of federal law is removed.
so, there it is, caroline. if you have any questions, you can feel free to get in touch. and, if you do write, i have a sincere question you might answer for me: what in the world is the purpose of creating a personal site for yourself if you don’t have anything to say? you don’t have to have a blog, caroline. really. if you don’t have anything to say, then just don’t write.
thanks for reading, caroline. take care.
[update: one down, caroline. one to go. at least that'll take care of the ones stolen from me. of course, i've now found a few other sites you've pilfered from, so it's sort of a one-step-forward-three-steps-back thing. see these posts at this fish needs a bicycle [one of my favorite reads], sfgate and the supermercado project. interestingly, on that last one, you not only pilfered the post...you pilfered a comment, too. wow. just...wow.]
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