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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

[the ones people ask about]
Rittenhouse Review
Investment Banking Monkey
Cheap Ticket News
iPhone News
Hotels and Travel News
Latest on Retirement Planning
Consumer News and Reviews

[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]

[the old stuff]


<< current

[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


marching to the beat of dead andy gibb's drummer
i recently joined the ranks of the cool kids and got myself an ipod. even had it engraved*...although i think that makes me less one of the cool kids rather than more one of them.

at any rate, i was walking through the bustle of union station, my ipod in my coat pocket, my ipod remote clipped jauntily on my lapel when frou frou's let go came on.

my stride found cadence with the song, and the crowds around me seemed to move in time with the rhythm...sort of like that volkswagen commercial. you know...that one...where they're driving down the street...and it's raining...and the windshield wipers keep time with the song [but not like in that eddie rabbit song. i hate that eddie rabbit song.] and then some kid bounces a basketball and the bouncing is in time with the...oh, never mind. you either know the commercial or you don't.

it was like that commercial.

and i was thinking how much i love that song, and how perfect this scene was, and then i thought that it really was like a scene...like something right out of a movie and how cool that was.

and then i realized that, at that precise moment, there were probably no less than 250 other people listening to the very same frou frou song on their very own ipods and thinking that this moment in their life was like something right out of a movie and how perfect that song is.

so, i switched over to my "guilty pleasures" playlist, and walked on...confident that, at that moment, no one else in the world was walking in time to andy gibb's shadow dancing and feeling like a badass.

i'm such a rebel**.

*lest you think i had my name and/or phone number engraved, my ipod has the following inscription: "go confidently in the direction of your dreams." that is the first part of a quote from thoreau, which is a personal touchstone...a mantra, if you will: "go confidently in the direction of your dreams! live the life you've always imagined." but, alas...the whole thing wouldn't fit on my ipod. way to go, apple. way to keep me from having my personal touchstone engraved on my ipod. nice.

** and, speaking of being a rebel...the answer to our recent pop quiz was i. which means that none of the items did not happen. this double negative is, of course, proof positive [name that movie reference] that all of the things did happen...and there are at least a couple of stories to tell as a result. stay tuned for the story of "my hoo ha needs a bigger towel."

[ed. note: the tequila mockingbird world tour will be making a stop in my former stomping ground of atlanta in the next couple of weeks to meet up with a tragically hip group of folks. any readers in the atlanta area interested in hanging out and/or buying me a celebratory birthday drink -- can feel free to drop a line for details.]
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pop quiz
i've been on the road for work again. sounds much worse than it was, actually. i mean, it's fifty-five degrees and drizzling outside here, and i spent the last week in sunny miami and tampa.

yep. could definitely have been worse.

so, now that i'm back and digging through the mountain of paper that has accumulated on my desk while i was out, i'll give you a little something with which to amuse yourselves until i have time for a "proper" post.

not that many of the posts on this site are "proper."

you know what i mean.

okay, so, here goes:

which of the following did not happen while i was on the road?

a. just as i was about to leave the south beach club i was in, the police showed up and raided the place.

b. i spent saturday lounging in a private cabana by the largest hotel pool in the continental united states, being served mojitos and lobster salad by henry, my cabana boy.

c. i came this close to being a judge in the miss hawaiian tropic contest at the hard rock hotel and casino.

d. i had the best massage of my life, in spite of the fact that i was expected to remain covered under the world's smallest towel, thus leading to an unscheduled appearance of my hoo-ha.

e. i saw a hit-and-run accident in the wal-mart parking lot while waiting for someone who was inside buying a ninja accessory kit.

f. i helped the girlfriend of one of the partners at my firm pick out a playboy bunny tank top, but failed to convince her to get her navel pierced.

g. i drank warm goldschlagger while strolling along south beach -- a fact which was cleverly concealed from the authorities by sipping it from a diet coke can.

h. i flew first-class on a flight that lasted just about one hour. and drank three bloody marys during the flight. just because i could.

i. none of the above.
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for the sake of my writing, i might actually move my desk into the cafeteria
i'm sure many of you remember the conversation i overheard between two coworkers while trying to resist the tempatation of the hostess cupcakes with creamy filling.

[note: no. i could not resist the temptation of the hostess cupcakes with creamy filling. i am, after all, only human.]

so, today, during lunch, the following:

coworker 1: "hey...what is that you're eating?"

coworker 2: "it's a bread bowl."

coworker 1: "a bread bowl?!"

coworker 2: "yep. with tomato basil soup."

coworker 1: "is that like a pot pie?"

coworker 2: "no. it's like a bowl made out of bread. with soup in it."

coworker 1: "'cause i hate pot pies. don't like 'em. they give me the creeps."

coworker 3: "did they invent those in philadelphia?"

coworker 1: "no. wait...do you mean bread bowls? or pot pies?"

coworker 3: "pot pies. because that seems like something they would invent in philadelphia."

coworker 1: "oh. no. they didn't invent pot pies in philadelphia. they invented other stuff there, though. like...chocolate."

coworker 3: "really? i didn't know they invented chocolate in philadelphia."

coworker 1: "yeah. well, you know...i mean...chocolate in america."

coworker 3: "oh."

honestly, i have to apologize because i'm sure there was probably more really good stuff after that, but i had to leave because i absolutely was not going to be able to keep it together one minute longer.
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once more into the fray...

last year, i checked out dc's fray day events and had a chance not only to rock the mic and tell a story that included the word "cockblock," to a room filled with strangers [a lifelong dream], but also to meet some incredibly gifted storytellers and generally cool folks.

for those of you who aren't familiar with fray, or with fray day, it's a very cool concept. fray is an online magazine that publishes true stories. [ed. note: no, i haven't published with them. why? because i'm too damn wordy, that's why.] one of the things that i always think about when reading true stories like those published at fray is what the story would be like if the author told it to me instead of me reading it. well, fray day is your chance to find out, by hearing people tell their own stories.

this year's dc event is being held on november 17th at lovecafe, which is owned and operated by the fantastical warren brown, he of the cakelove bakery, home of the best. cake. ever.. after having a chance to tell a story last year through the open mic sign-up sheet, i'm flattered to have been asked to participate this year as a featured storyteller. what does that mean? well, it means i'm guaranteed a spot in the lineup. it means i get more time than an open mic storyteller. it means my face and life story will be pimped on the fray day dc web page. and, it means a dressing room filled with white flowers and diptyque candles. although i would be willing to forget all about the flowers and candles if someone would give me two slices of warren's amazing "neil's hat trick." or even "my downfall." i swear to god, the man puts crack in the frosting.

so, if you're in the dc area, come out and support fray day dc. come early, and put your name on the list to take your turn at the mic. or just come out and enjoy some laughs and some habit-forming cake.

and, even if you're not in the dc area, there are fray day events all around the country, so you can still get your story on.

and, if you don't live in the dc area and there isn't a fray day happening where you are, you can still get involved. how? by helping me decide which story to share this year. the comments section is now open for suggestions....

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the answer to that age-old question
probably a million and two times in my life i was confronted by my mother with that age-old question:

"if everyone else jumped off of a bridge, would you?"

apparently, if one is to base one's answer to this question on one's shopping excursion this past weekend, the answer is:

"yes. and as i hurl myself over the edge, the fringe of my new black poncho will flutter in the breeze behind me."

that's right. i said a poncho

i know already. you don't even have to say anything.

a poncho.
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