[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
i've been on the road for work again. sounds much worse than it was, actually. i mean, it's fifty-five degrees and drizzling outside here, and i spent the last week in sunny miami and tampa.
yep. could definitely have been worse.
so, now that i'm back and digging through the mountain of paper that has accumulated on my desk while i was out, i'll give you a little something with which to amuse yourselves until i have time for a "proper" post.
not that many of the posts on this site are "proper."
you know what i mean.
okay, so, here goes:
which of the following did not happen while i was on the road?
a. just as i was about to leave the south beach club i was in, the police showed up and raided the place.
b. i spent saturday lounging in a private cabana by the largest hotel pool in the continental united states, being served mojitos and lobster salad by henry, my cabana boy.
c. i came this close to being a judge in the miss hawaiian tropic contest at the hard rock hotel and casino.
d. i had the best massage of my life, in spite of the fact that i was expected to remain covered under the world's smallest towel, thus leading to an unscheduled appearance of my hoo-ha.
e. i saw a hit-and-run accident in the wal-mart parking lot while waiting for someone who was inside buying a ninja accessory kit.
f. i helped the girlfriend of one of the partners at my firm pick out a playboy bunny tank top, but failed to convince her to get her navel pierced.
g. i drank warm goldschlagger while strolling along south beach -- a fact which was cleverly concealed from the authorities by sipping it from a diet coke can.
h. i flew first-class on a flight that lasted just about one hour. and drank three bloody marys during the flight. just because i could.
i. none of the above.
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