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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
[the ones people ask about]
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[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]



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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
6.16.2004  

there's a reason you only get 15 minutes of fame...
i'm walking out of california pizza kitchen yesterday, and i stop with my friend to take a look at one of the panda statues outside the restaurant. it's part of the everso creatively named "pandamania" public art project here in DC.

yeah. i guess "pandamonium" wasn't edgy enough. [ed. note: and before the comments start, i was eating a grilled chicken caesar salad. totally south beach legal. i swear.]

anyway, i'm explaining to my friend that this particular little bear has already been vandalized. because people suck. and that three others in the vicinity have also been vandalized, some with graffiti, others, like this one, have had things torn off of them.

while i'm explaining this, a guy with a microphone walks up and asks me what i think of the bear.

"it's cute," i say.

wow. "cute." that's cutting edge commentary right there, folks. deep. insightful. brilliant.

"do you think it's art?"

"sure. yeah. definitely."

again with the brilliant.

in an effort to appear more polysyllabic, i go on to say, "it just makes me sad that people are vandalizing them."

"what do you think makes people do something like that?"

now, in my defense, what kind of question is that?! i'll tell you what kind of question that is, that's a question with no answer, that's what that is.

"honestly, i have no idea what would posess someone to do something like that."

he just stares at me as though i must have more to say. surely i must have something more illuminating to add.

"i mean. i don't know. maybe some people are just..."

oh god.

"...you know..."

i have no idea.

"...stupid."

fanfreakingtastic. i must recover. must save this.

"or, you know, maybe they're...drunk?"

his eyes widen a bit.

"or, you know...maybe drunk and stupid."

and then he asks me my name and i actually give it to him. yeah, now who's drunk and stupid?

that's about the time he says, "i'm with npr."

that's right. npr.

yeah, some people get a shot at npr airtime and come through like a champ. others are even so talented that they get returning gigs.

me? my contribution to the npr archives is "drunk and stupid."

so much for that shot at this american life.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.10.2004  

things that make you stand at the vending machine longer than you need to
coworker 1: "girl, i've already picked out my outfit for the christmas party. it's bad."

coworker 2: "well, i hope it's not bad like that outfit you wore last year."

coworker 1: "what? everybody want to talk shit about that outfit. it's just 'cause i looked so fine and everybody's man wanted me."

coworker 2: "i think everybody talked shit about it because your titty popped out."

coworker 1: "whatever. haters."

coworker 2: "your titty popped out. the whole titty. that was more titty than janet jackson showed at the damn superbowl."

coworker 1: "everybody actin' like i walked around all night with my titty hangin' out. it only came out twice. and all ya'll just jealous."
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

6.03.2004  

thank you, matthew weber
meet my friend, matthew weber.

matthew is a great guy. he's really nice. and he has exceptionally good hair.

when you talk to matthew, you can tell he's the kind of person who gives a lot of thought to things. all things. if matthew has an opinion, and since he is such a thoughtful and reflective guy, he usually does -- he expresses it in a very level and reasoned way. and, the best part is, even though you know matthew has reached his conclusions after much careful thought, he's always open to hearing another viewpoint.

i've even seen him change his mind. or at least admit, "you know, i never considered that. you make a really good point."

and even if all of this wasn't enough to make you say, "man, that matthew weber is a really good guy," there's more.

friday afternoon, as visions of cookouts and swimming pools danced in my head, matthew came by my desk to chat.

i told matthew that i was heading home to visit my family. spend some bonding time with my brother-in-law's grill. bask in the glow of the big screen television as i relished their direct tv.

"so, what are you up to?"

matthew grimaced.

"i have tons of stuff to do. i'm, like, triple-booked. cookouts and picnics and all kinds of stuff."

"well, that sounds great...but you seem...irritated."

"yeah, i am. know what i really want to do?"

"nope."

"what i really want to do is go down to the world war two memorial ceremony and see all of the vets."

i had secretly been happy to be heading out of town, able to avoid the busloads of tourists flooding into town for the dedication ceremony.

"i'd like to just go down there and hand out cards or something."

"cards?"

"thank you cards. just tell them how much i appreciate what they did, you know?"

"you would really do that?"

"sure."

"well then, why don't you?"

"i don't know. i mean, i just sort of thought of it this afternoon, and i don't really know how i would do all of that stuff."

"what, you mean the cards?"

"yeah."

i looked at the clock. 2:46. our office had announced an early closing. 3:00. i was ecstatic. i could get a head start on traffic, get to the airport early enough to grab a bite to eat. i'd already shut down every program on my computer.

"okay. tell me what you want the cards to look like."

"what?"

"just tell me what you want them to look like. or at least what you want them to say."

start.

programs.

pagemaker.

and, twenty minutes later, there they were. simple. understated. "thank you" in bold letters across the top. a flag on the left. "thank you for your courage and service. your sacrifices for our country will never be forgotten."

matthew had 600 of them printed on red, white and blue card stock.

as i neared the aiport, my phone rang.

it was matthew.

"i just handed out my first one! it was awesome! he cried, but he was so grateful!"

i don't remember the last time i was so proud to call someone my friend.

my friend, matthew weber, handed out more than 400 of those cards to veterans last weekend. he had conversations with countless men and women, and listened to their stories. they expressed their heartfelt thanks for his gesture and, on more than a few occasions, wept with gratitude.

he would have given away all 600 if the park police hadn't made him stop because he didn't have a permit.

i like to think that if more people were like my friend, matthew weber, the world wouldn't be a place where you need a permit to say "thank you." and i like the idea that every kind gesture, no matter how small, moves us a little bit closer to that.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]