[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
reports of my demise are
greatly somewhat slightly exaggerated
this is a little like when you told someone you were going to come to their big fancy shindig, or important-life-event-type thing and then you don’t because something comes up, and you forget to call and tell them that something came up and then the next thing you know it's been two months and you're standing in the toilet paper aisle at target and run into them and it seems sort of awkward to say "oh yeah, i totally forgot to call you and tell you that i couldn't make it to your wedding!"
okay, that analogy is really lame.
forget the analogies, let’s just do it this way: i was away, and i should have posted something saying “i’m not dead. really!” but i just didn’t and i kept thinking "i'll do it tomorrow," and then the next thing i knew it had been a really long time since i posted anything.
during the entire time i've been away, i didn’t log into blogger once. or hit my site. not once. or log into hotmail. not once
so, it wasn’t until a friend called me and said “did you know you have about 160 comments?” that i realized that things had sort of moved beyond "why don't you post something?!" and into "i think she might have died!" territory.
so, i’m sorry about the worry. by way of explanation, i will tell you a little bit about why i’ve been away.
but only a little bit.
as i've told other people before, blogs are like peep shows. or, at least this one is. you drop your quarter in the slot, and the screen slides up and you get to peek inside my life for a little bit. then, the screen slides back down. next time the screen comes up, there might be a different song playing. maybe even a costume change. point is, you don’t get to see everything at the peep show.
so, screen up:
after i came back from asia, i got really really sick. the kind of sick where the doctor says "you'll probably make a full recovery." and then you're like "great! wait...did you say 'probably'? what if i don't? i mean, what are the other options?" and the doctor says, "well, you could go blind. or deaf. or suffer brain damage. or die. but you will probably make a full recovery."
and i will tell you that there were a few days when the whole "death" option seemed really appealing. the whole thing was more than a bit scary, and generally craptastic. but it does help you put things in perspective, and one of those perspective adjustments was that, sometimes, life trumps blog.
i am feeling better now, although still not 100%.
and, no, it wasn’t asian bird flu.
and, screen down.
i was overwhelmed when i finally logged in to my email account, and to the comments page. you guys are the best. your concern was touching [if a bit guilt-inducing], and i got a hearty chuckle out of several of the jokes...and more than a few of the conspiracy theories [you think if it had been a guy i wouldn't have posted it from the rafters?! come on!].
i’m making my way through the emails, and will respond to everyone who wrote. i really do appreciate everyone’s thoughfulness. it was humbling to realize that so many people were paying attention to my whereabouts!
in addition to the whole perspective-adjustment-thing, another interesting result of this hiatus was that i actually gave some thought to the scenario in which i did die. i mean, if i died, how would you guys know? what would happen to my blog? people would just keep coming back day after day, then they would start leaving nasty comments like “i hate you. you brag about stupid stuff all the time. i am finished with you.”
no one wants that.
and, so, you will be pleased to know that i have chosen an official blogexecutor [note: edit from the earlier "blogecutrix" because cw is not a girl. even though "blogecutrix" is much catchier and much funnier to say. and i won't even take a cheap shot about him "not" being a girl. just leaving that alone. very proud of myself.] in case i have some sort of relapse and do actually die. or, you know, if i die from something totally unrelated to my recent illness. i mean, we haven’t written up the formal agreement, but i’m sure it will not only cover illness-related death, but also death from accidents or acts of god. trust me, it will cover all the death bases. anyway, my blogexecutor has agreed to log in and tell you guys that i am actually dead, so no one will have to wonder. i’ll also do an appropriate logo for use at that time. and i’m sure he’ll probably have a nice tribute post and say reasonably nice things about me.
on second thought, since it’s cw, i probably better make that last part an explicit clause in the written agreement.
thanks to everyone, and it’s good to be back!
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