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[about the author]

i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish, eh?

i work crossword puzzles in ink.

i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie izzard. can't decide, really.

i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.

i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.

i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.

i never play dumb. never.

i am way too hard on myself.

i am a change agent.

i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.

i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.

i am militantly pro-choice.

i am pro-adoption.

i know a little bit about alot of things.

i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.

i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.

i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.

i have been known to hold a grudge.

i have hips.

i am not my sister.

i am lousy at forgiving myself.

i am an indoor kind of gal.

i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.

i am 32 flavors. and then some.

 
[the ones people ask about]
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Investment Banking Monkey
OOPS
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Latest on Retirement Planning
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[in case you were wondering]

[the blogger behind the curtain]

[100 things about me]



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[all content copyright 2007 by tequila mockingbird. seriously.]


 
3.18.2005  

the first one to leave a comment invoking the phrase "thai one on" gets themselves a big fat ban.
as those of you who have been reading this site for a while know, i have a propsensity to sometimes do the unexpected. especially when coming out of a period when things have been especially stressful or difficult.

apparently, this is one of those times.

so, in keeping in the spirit of my "i don't care if i have a job when i get back" trip to london and rome...and the spirit of my "yes, i have no luggage, but i'm going to the airport to get on a plane going somewhere anyway" trip to atlanta...i now present to you the "i'm mentally and physically exhausted and craving pad kee mao like nobody's business" excursion to...thailand.

so, i'm heading to the airport to hop a flight to thailand shortly. and, as such, i'll be gone from the site until the end of the month.

i say i'm going to thailand, but i'll be honest: there's a very real possibility i might just decide to make it hong kong at the last minute. seriously.

i'll let you know. until then, enjoy the archives, and, as always, thanks for coming by.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

3.15.2005  

all in the name of science*
in past years, i have speculated as to the merits and particular traits of various easter candies. however, this is the year we put an end to all of the speculation. last night, i ate myself into a raging sugar coma so i could present you with these empirical findings. i didn't want to eat all that chocolate. i did it for you. really.

and, so, i present now, these totally, utterly and incontrovertably scientific findings:

1. reese's eggs do, without question, taste better than regular reese's cups.

2. minature reese's eggs do not taste nearly as good as the full-sized reese's eggs. furthermore,

3. minature reese's eggs do not even taste as good as regular reese's cups.

4. white chocolate reese's eggs are an abomination on mankind and, as such, were excluded from this terribly scientific study.

5. when asked, two out of three participants would give up all their reese's cups and eggs, plus a kidney**, for a box of lindt truffle eggs.

6. there are exactly as many calories and fat grams in the three-pack of full-sized cadbury eggs as there are in the six-pack of mini cadbury eggs, but, for some reason, you feel markedly more sick after you eat the three full-sized eggs than you do after you eat the six mini ones.

7. three out of three participants, when given a chocolate rabbit, will eat the ears first.

8. two out of three participants prefer their peeps to be opened and left that way so that they get hard. the third participant does not like peeps at all.***

9. chocolate rabbits taste best when they're made of cheap, waxy chocolate. when made from high-end "gourmet" chocolate, they taste "wrong" or "weird."

10. black jellybeans might taste like sambuca, but they lack one key ingredient: alcohol. therefore, they are disgusting with no redeeming qualities, whereas sambuca is disgusting, but will get you completely liquored up so it's redeemed. not to mention they make your teeth black. bleh.



*no animals were harmed during the course of these very scientific studies. except the chocolate rabbits, of course.

**we lost participant three at the kidney.

***upon this disclosure, the first two participants excluded participant three from further participation in the terribly scientific studies on the grounds that "there's something fundamentally wrong with anyone who doesn't like peeps." to which i responded, "whatever, it's my house."
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

3.08.2005  

a night to remember
okay, so i keep trying to find time to write this post about prom and how, for my junior prom, i fought against chris kennedy, the best-looking guy in the whole school, so that our theme wouldn't be almost paradise which, as i’m sure you know, is the love theme from footloose because, really, who wants their prom theme to be a song sung by the guy from loverboy and one of the chicks from heart?! and how, instead, it was springtime in paris, and how we worked so hard to transform our gymnasium into this magical and beautiful scene, complete with an eiffel tower, and a parisian sidewalk café, so you would never in a million years imagine that you were in a gymnasium. and how there was this beautiful dress in seventeen magazine that i loved and how i tore out that page and saved my money so i could buy fabric and planned to ask my grandmother to sew one like it because i would never be able to save enough money to buy it, plus i didn't think there was a store anywhere near us that would actually sell it. and how that dress was the perfect audrey hepburn dress and i thought i had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. and how my mom took me to stone & thomas and we walked in and there it was, and when i tried it on it fit perfectly and we stood in the dressing room and cried under the flourescent lights and she bought it for me right there on the spot. and then how one of the senior girls tried to tell me that i couldn't wear the dress because she bought it and it was her senior prom and she wasn't going to let me ruin her senior prom by showing up in the same dress, but i stood my ground, even after she actually threatened to beat me up. and how my grandmother gave me the most perfectly classy, sparkly earrings like audrey wore in breakfast at tiffany’s and how amazing they looked with my simple upswept hair that anne dodd had given me. and how i still have the elbow-length black gloves i wore, tucked into a box in the back of a drawer. and how i didn't have a boyfriend and ended up going to prom with the only openly gay guy in my entire high school, but, really, he appreciated the whole audrey hepburn evocation much more than any of the straight guys would have, so that was all for the best. and how that stupid whore of a senior girl wore her dress with black lace cut-off-finger madonna gloves, a black choker and black beaded dangly earrings so, really, we didn’t look like we were wearing the same dress at all. and how magical that gymnasium looked, and the way it glowed, and the way i felt beautiful and glamorous for the first time in my life.

then i thought that had whole story had real flashes of pretty in pink, so i thought i’d try, instead, to write about my senior prom and how i couldn’t find a dress i liked at all, and i didn’t have a boyfriend anyway, so i swore i wouldn’t go and how i finally decided to go at the last minute because one of my good friends really wanted to go and he needed a date because he couldn’t take his girlfriend because she was a sophomore and our school had a really traditional junior-senior prom so no sophomores were allowed. and how i played in the state all-star softball game that afternoon and got beaned in the forehead with a ball late in the sixth inning – but made the play anyway – and it left a huge black and blue and red knot which was only made worse by the fact that the only dress i could find to borrow with such late notice was red. and how, when my friend showed up early he thought a good way to kill some time would be to drive through mcdonald’s and get some fries and a milkshake, which seems now like a funny thing to do but, then just made me feel like a moron with a big giant knot on her forehead. and how that was the first year that my school had prom at a country club instead of a transformed gymnasium, and it somehow didn’t seem special or magical at all. and how the class that year took the money they saved by not decorating the gym and gave us these cheesy miniature brandy snifters with “stairway to heaven” on them in blue script writing and how i left mine on the table, because, really, what was i supposed to do with a miniature brandy snifter? and then how, after the prom, my friend went by his girlfriend’s house to pick her up so she could come with us to the party, which, you know, is a bit awkward when you’re in a house full of people who came as couples and you came as a third wheel with a giant knot on your forehead. and how that was the first night i realized that being thought of as just one of the guys can be great sometimes, but really tremendously lousy at other times.

but i just can’t seem to find the time....
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]

3.01.2005  

right. so...like i was saying....
i guess it's too much to hope that i could just pop in and write something and not mention the fact that it's been, oh, i don't know, something like two weeks since i posted.

yeah...didn't think so.

well, the truth is i've been swamped with work stuff and life stuff and just generally swampish type things. and then there was the part where i thought "oh my god, it's been five days since i posted, and i should post something!" so i sat down to post something and then i was just too tired to even type anything or really even string together a noun and a verb. and then i got performance anxiety. like, "okay now it's been eight days, and so i can't post just anything, it should be one of those five-pages-long posts in which i humiliate myself." and then the impossible happened: i couldn't remember a time i humiliated myself other than those times i've already told you guys about. and i realized then that i must be absofreakinglutely exhausted because, really, there's no other possible explanation as to how i couldn't think of a time i humiliated myself. i mean, come on -- i do that all the time. why can't i think of one single time?!

then i panicked a little. "holy shit, it's been twelve days." twelve. days. i thought i should offer an explanation. but it turned out i was too exhausted to even think of a plausible explanation so i just decided to lie around and watch american idol and eat chipotle [again] instead of trying to think of anything to write. then, just when i thought i was ready, i decided at the last minute to lie around and watch the season premiere of the l word [ohmygod, i hate jenny so much i actually screamed at my television] and eat chipotle [yet again] instead of trying to think of anything to write. and, um, then it was the oscars and chipotle [seriously, i should buy stock]. it's an easy cycle to fall into, let me tell you.

so, the truth is, i've been exhausted -- physically and mentally. i'm not dead. i haven't totally given up the site. i've just been so tired that i haven't felt that spark of creativity. that itch to write. i've been working some crazy hours and working on some grueling projects and, overall, am just generally exhausted.

hoping to catch up on all my rest and be ready for "real" writing come monday. thanks to everyone for checking in on the site, and on me. as a peace offering, i give you an upated reading/listening section, and a new logo to hold you over.

ed. note: yes, well, it appears my image hosting service is having technical problems, but i swear i really did do a new logo. i knew i should have just stayed on the couch watching the bachelorette finale and eating chipotle.
| [tell me about it] | [link to this entry]