[about the author]
i actually like speaking in front of large crowds. freakish,
i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i am the american nigella lawson. or maybe the american eddie
izzard. can't decide, really.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it.
i am a lifelong cubs fan. do not laugh.
i have been known to hold a grudge.
i have hips.
i am not my sister.
i am lousy at forgiving myself.
i am an indoor kind of gal.
i am a bargain shopper. to the point of obsession.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.
this post is one part martha stewart and one part dave barry! which is to say, it includes a recipe and an amusing anecdote about a kid
last weekend, i went home to attend my niece's first dance recital.
for those of you who have never experienced the endurance test that is the dance recital, let me recap:
1. a bunch of three-year olds, none of whom are related to you, prance around in a way that has no relation to "dance" for about an hour and a half to the strains of such classics as what i like about you from the shrek 2 soundtrack and i hope you dance by lee ann womack. of course, this being west virginia, there was also a number involving boot scootin' boogie, during which time the entire three rows in front of me sang out loud with every word, causing me to weep softly in my seat.
2. your niece appears onstage for approximately three minutes, during which time you observe none of the non-dance-related prancing because you're trying to take pictures. and because you're still a little weepy from that boot scootin' boogie thing.
3. you go eat.
the next day, i told my niece i was really proud of her and very happy that she had invited me to come and watch her dance.
"i like star wars."
"oh. you do? well, your mom liked star wars, too. who is your favorite? my favorite is chewbacca. i love the wookies."
"i like them all. except the bad guy."
"the bad guy?"
"yeah. darth elevator."
then we ate grilled avacados, which, if you've never had grilled avocados, you totally should because they'll rock your face right off. which is a good way to welcome summer...with your face rocked off and a grilled avocado in front of you. anyway, enjoy.
-4 ripe avocados
-extra virgin olive oil
-really good balsamic vinegar [a general note: if you invest in really good balsamic vinegar, your life will be a much better and happier place. really. really high quality balsamic vinegar is a transformative elixir that makes everything from strawberries to lettuce to chicken to, well, avocados, taste like ambrosia from on high.]
-parmesan cheese [another general note: stop using that crap in the plastic jar. it's not parmesan cheese. it's crap. buy a hunk of quality cheese and a grater. it's not quite the elixir that quality balsamic is, but it's damn near close.]
- peel, pit and halve the avocados
- brush them with a little extra-virgin olive oil and some of the balsamic vinegar
- preheat the grill to medium heat
- put the avacodos face down on a hot open grill for about a minute; turn and cook for another minute or so [although i like to cook them a little longer; until they get the dark grill marks on them and the balsamic starts to carmelize just a touch...mmmmm]
- remove from the grill and shave parmesan over them while they're still warm
i also like to saute or grill some red onion and some grape tomatoes to have with these. pour yourself a nice glass of pinot grigio or riesling, and it's instant summer.
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it's like that bread song says: "if a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't i paint...that guy"
recently, i've gotten back into the lapsed habit of taking photos all the time. for a while, i had that whole self-conscious thing, where i would see something that caught my eye -- maybe a person, maybe a puddle, maybe just a bright green door -- and i would feel self-conscious about stopping to snap a photo.
then i thought about all the neat photos i was missing, and how i really wished i had taken a lot of those pictures, and i got over myself.
so, here's just a sampling of a few photos i've taken recently. of guys.
clearly, my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
so, in an effort to try and ease myself back into traveling, i went to new orleans a couple of weeks ago. while i was there, i met...this guy. he plays a mean guitar, and, clearly, he is a bad ass. he totally got into posing for me, and i was able to snap several shots of him, but, for some reason, i really liked this one. whenever i meet someone like...this guy...i always wonder what his average daily take is. like, are you making ten bucks a day? fifty? two hundred?
which takes me to this guy:
this, apparently, is naked cowboy. i snapped this shot of him -- and a friend -- as he was, um..."working" in the middle of times square while i was in new york on business this week.
i am fascinated by naked cowboy.
especially by the fact that, um...he's not actually naked.
anyway, i was so fascinated that i was very tempted to try and engage him in conversation. sadly, that creepy old dude would not move away from naked cowboy. naked cowboy must be something of a celebrity, and a times square regular, because the souvenir shops around times square are selling knock-offs of the naked cowboy tighty whiteys. but let's be honest: it's the handwritten scrawl across the ass that makes naked cowboy's underwears so special, and no latex iron-on transfer rip-off is quite the same.
rock on, naked cowboy. rock on.
last, but ohmygod not least, would be this guy:
uh-huh, that's right, it's ron "the sexiest eyebrows alive" livingston. you know...that guy...the one from office space. and swingers. and band of brothers. and, um...body shots. or you might know him from his portrayal of berger -- the guy who broke up with carrie via post-it note on sex and the city.
i just know him as "my boyfriend ron livingston."
last week, i was walking past the johnston & murphy store near my office and there's this sign saying ron livingston will making an appearance at the store. and i stopped dead in my tracks, pulled out my trusty treo 650, and put it on my calendar as a high priority appointment.
there were drinks, and snacks and, i don't know if i mentioned this or not, but also: my boyfriend ron livingston was there.
he signed my office space dvd, let me take several pictures, and actually hung out and chatted for about about fifteen minutes or so. he actually said things like, "is everyone in dc from somewhere else? it seems a lot like la in that regard."
of course, that's when i screeched, "ohmygod, you're so normal! i love you!" and started making out with his eyebrows.
then, his handler came over and said, "mr. livingston? there are some people over here who would like to meet you."
and then i killed his handler.
anyway, for those of you who were wondering: he's actually even hotter in person, he's incredibly nice, and looks great in a suit.
and he's mine. all mine.
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reports of my demise are
greatly somewhat slightly exaggerated
this is a little like when you told someone you were going to come to their big fancy shindig, or important-life-event-type thing and then you don’t because something comes up, and you forget to call and tell them that something came up and then the next thing you know it's been two months and you're standing in the toilet paper aisle at target and run into them and it seems sort of awkward to say "oh yeah, i totally forgot to call you and tell you that i couldn't make it to your wedding!"
okay, that analogy is really lame.
forget the analogies, let’s just do it this way: i was away, and i should have posted something saying “i’m not dead. really!” but i just didn’t and i kept thinking "i'll do it tomorrow," and then the next thing i knew it had been a really long time since i posted anything.
during the entire time i've been away, i didn’t log into blogger once. or hit my site. not once. or log into hotmail. not once
so, it wasn’t until a friend called me and said “did you know you have about 160 comments?” that i realized that things had sort of moved beyond "why don't you post something?!" and into "i think she might have died!" territory.
so, i’m sorry about the worry. by way of explanation, i will tell you a little bit about why i’ve been away.
but only a little bit.
as i've told other people before, blogs are like peep shows. or, at least this one is. you drop your quarter in the slot, and the screen slides up and you get to peek inside my life for a little bit. then, the screen slides back down. next time the screen comes up, there might be a different song playing. maybe even a costume change. point is, you don’t get to see everything at the peep show.
so, screen up:
after i came back from asia, i got really really sick. the kind of sick where the doctor says "you'll probably make a full recovery." and then you're like "great! wait...did you say 'probably'? what if i don't? i mean, what are the other options?" and the doctor says, "well, you could go blind. or deaf. or suffer brain damage. or die. but you will probably make a full recovery."
and i will tell you that there were a few days when the whole "death" option seemed really appealing. the whole thing was more than a bit scary, and generally craptastic. but it does help you put things in perspective, and one of those perspective adjustments was that, sometimes, life trumps blog.
i am feeling better now, although still not 100%.
and, no, it wasn’t asian bird flu.
and, screen down.
i was overwhelmed when i finally logged in to my email account, and to the comments page. you guys are the best. your concern was touching [if a bit guilt-inducing], and i got a hearty chuckle out of several of the jokes...and more than a few of the conspiracy theories [you think if it had been a guy i wouldn't have posted it from the rafters?! come on!].
i’m making my way through the emails, and will respond to everyone who wrote. i really do appreciate everyone’s thoughfulness. it was humbling to realize that so many people were paying attention to my whereabouts!
in addition to the whole perspective-adjustment-thing, another interesting result of this hiatus was that i actually gave some thought to the scenario in which i did die. i mean, if i died, how would you guys know? what would happen to my blog? people would just keep coming back day after day, then they would start leaving nasty comments like “i hate you. you brag about stupid stuff all the time. i am finished with you.”
no one wants that.
and, so, you will be pleased to know that i have chosen an official blogexecutor [note: edit from the earlier "blogecutrix" because cw is not a girl. even though "blogecutrix" is much catchier and much funnier to say. and i won't even take a cheap shot about him "not" being a girl. just leaving that alone. very proud of myself.] in case i have some sort of relapse and do actually die. or, you know, if i die from something totally unrelated to my recent illness. i mean, we haven’t written up the formal agreement, but i’m sure it will not only cover illness-related death, but also death from accidents or acts of god. trust me, it will cover all the death bases. anyway, my blogexecutor has agreed to log in and tell you guys that i am actually dead, so no one will have to wonder. i’ll also do an appropriate logo for use at that time. and i’m sure he’ll probably have a nice tribute post and say reasonably nice things about me.
on second thought, since it’s cw, i probably better make that last part an explicit clause in the written agreement.
thanks to everyone, and it’s good to be back!
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